Gratituesday

43. A few stolen moments to blog.
44. A speedy appliance repairman.
45. Kind, understanding and knowledgable nurses at pediatricians.
46. A few stolen moments to scrapbook.
47. Sweet birthday wishes.
48. Children and hubby that love me despite my weaknesses.
49. A loving and merciful God who fills in my gaps. 2 Corinthians 12:9
50. Sunshine and the fresh new buds of new life- Spring is coming!
51. Another book study with Lysa TerKeurst- Colossians this time!
52. God's provision- Each day thankful for another day of employment for Dana.

Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

Flashback to this past August, 2009. I was traveling six hours with my hubby and kids to visit my family and take my mom to a Beth Moore simulcast. Right before we left, my preordered and much anticipated book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl arrived in the mail. Woohoo!!! The van packed with my sweet little ones and their DVDs and a loving hubby to do all the driving and we set off. I opened my book before we got out of the driveway and settled in for the drive. For almost 6 hours I spent some girl time with my bloggy friend, Lysa TerKeurst, and reminisced about the 80s. Like, is there any other decade?! I read and reread and underlined - okay, underlining was kind of hard in a moving van, but I marked all of the words that were so me. Needless to say, there was a lot of marking going on. I even read sections aloud to my patient hubby who loves me so much that he let me read on this long trip. Did I mention that he willingly took on full kid duty all of Friday night and Saturday morning while I was at the simulcast? Anyway, I got a great hunk - much better than Rick Springfield and Tom Selleck combined!
I had read What Happens When Women Say Yes to God earlier in the year and had written on an index card a prayer that Lysa shared in that book. She shared it again in this new book: "God, I want to see You. God, I want to hear You. God, I want to know You. So that I can follow hard after You everyday." This prayer is now my daily prayer. I actually repeat it a few times a day. I realized as I read this book that my actions and my words may appear to be set on God. I do a lot of children's and MOPS ministry work every week but my one on one, just me and God relationship was not at all where it should be, especially if I am a ministry leader. Using Colossians 3:1-2, Lysa reminded me that my heart and my mind should be set on God. His truth should should totally change me. I should not be the same if I am getting my heart and mind daily set in God's Word and His Will for me.
Despite all my efforts and good intentions with children's ministry and MOPS, I was never filling totally satisfied. I was trying to find my signifigance through these good and Godly things, but I was unfullfilled. I felt like a fake and not effective in these ministries. I could say all the right words and even be sincere, however, deep down in my inner most parts, I knew that I was, as Lysa said, a hollow woman, not a holy one. Jesus was the only thing that could satisfy and fullfill me, but I was not there with Him. My time with Jesus was crowded out by all the many demands of motherhood, children's ministry, MOPS, just daily living. I put getting ready for Sunday morning children's programming and MOPS meetings ahead of my daily time with God and even my family. To make matters worse, Sundays were so crazy busy that I didn't get out of the children's department to go to worship. I was depleted and not finding any source of refreshment from God. I made some really not great decisions and my unhappiness and frustration with myself only increased. So I buried myself in more ministry and good deeds for others to find my fullfillment and satisfaction with life, with myself. Now armed with my daily prayer of seeking God, anticipating hearing from Him and expecting to know His Will for me has challenged me to intentionally make my time with God a priority and a special time of the morning. I am not perfect at keeping my daily appointment with Him. Kids waking often in the night make it hard to get up at 5am. But I really miss and long for that time of quiet conversation with God when I don't sit with Him in the mornings.
Lysa is the kind of friend I would want to take shopping with me. She would not be afraid to tell me that those much coveted tapered leg Zena jeans don't look good on me. I know this because she is the kind of friend who challenged me and told me with all honesty that despite all the wonderful ministry things I did, Bible studies and conferences I attended, how godly my husband was, etc. that I needed to make some personal changes with my relationship with God. I need an undivided heart. Psalm 86:11 "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth;give me an undivided heart , that I may fear your name."On the return trip home, I was reading the chapter, "Unlikely Lessons From a Pineapple" when a God thing happened. For several weeks, verses regarding waiting kept cropping up in daily devotionals from Proverbs 31 Ministries and other places. Beth Moore shared at the simulcast about waiting on God from Psalms 37. Then I read about David and Goliath in Chapter 6. David was sent back to the fields after being annointed king to wait on God's timing. Here again in the midst of this book, I was hit again with the notion that I need to wait on God. Allow Him to prepare me where I was with the things I needed to do what He had in store for me. I was in tears on I-65. I so wanted to hear and know more about God's Will for me. I longed to climb up in His lap and have Him reassure me that I was loved and He had it all in control. I didn't have to worry and try to arrange everything all on my own.
Fast Forward to March, 2010. I have read this book twice now. I laughed and cried through this book. Each reading uncovered another challenge and discrepancy in my relationship with God. Yet, I was encouraged to keep going and seeking Him because He was waiting for me and wanting me to come closer. The decisions and my attitude is not always the best still, but I am filling myself and arming myself with God's Word. I am letting it rearrange me, change me and it feels great. Psalm 119:30-32, "I have chosen the way of the truth: I have set my heart on Your laws. I hold fast to Your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free."
I posted some entries in October and Novemeber about the first three chapters as I participated in an online study. Life happens and prevented further postings but I continued with writing my thoughts and prayers in my journal. I am so excited to lead two groups in a study with Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl beginning this week! This book has blessed me and continues to bless me and I pray that the women who read this book are as challenged to be more than just a good Bible study girl.

Gratitude

Oh, for the grace and mercy of my heavenly Father! He is faithful to me!

I give you all the credit, God- You got me out of that mess(again for today), You didn't let (Satan gloat over my sins). God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave (one I dug myself), gave me another chance (for today) when I was down-and-out. All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God! Thank Him face to face! He gets angry once in awhile (as well He should with me) but across (my) lifetime there is (and has been) only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter...... I called out to You, O God; I laid my case before You; ....So listen! and be kind! Help me out of this! You did it(again); You changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst out with song; I can't keep quiet about You. God, my God, I can't thank You enough. Psalm 30 (The Message) parantheses are mine.

God is a faithful God. He has always proven faithful to me. I often didn't understand and don't always understand why things happen. When my parents encountered another Christian who dealt them a bad, dishonest business agreement with no recourse for justice in this world which resulted in lots of financial difficulties for our family, God was faithful and provided and provided! Praise God!
When I left home for the very first time to teach out of state even! God provided the most amazing school principal - he proclaimed Jesus to the graduating fifth graders and their families - in a public school with the superintendent there! What a testimony to his faith! I knew during the phone interview to set up the face to face interview that this was the man I wanted to work for and with. God provided the opportunity and the peace within my heart to say "YES!". Over and over during those three years, God proved, such as with that first graduation ceremony, His provision to be faithful for my good. God provided through one relationship to be faithful in leading me to discover the man He chose for my lifelong friend and partner in life. While the pain is almost unbearable in the midst of the death of a relationship, He was faithful in providing good friends who loved me and were supportive, including the man, I later married. So much more to that story and yes, the guy I broke up with was in our wedding. Afterall, he was a good friend to both my darling, hunky man and to me. God is faithful. When my precious Daddy died so unexpectedly while he and Momma were out of the country, God was faithful in providing Christians to minister to my mom before my brother could get to her. God is amazing! He provided so many opportunities for darling, hunky husband and I to travel for business/pleasure and to do ministry abroad and locally that we would not have been able to do if we had children. In the midst of the heart ache of infertility for eleven years, God was faithful. He was faithful in answering the desires of our hearts and prayers with two amazing children! Oh, my God is faithful! Even today, God is faithful in hearing my pleas and prayers. Despite my sin, my rebellion, my unworthiness of His mercy, forgiveness and love, He is faithful! My God is faithful! I praise Him for this day and His faithfulness today!

Today I am grateful for:
36. Another day with a job!
37. Sunshine to play outside in.
38. Hot dogs and hair cuts with my little man.
39. Beth Moore's wise words from Psalm 37.
40. God's faithfulness and love for someone such as I.
41. Warm bubble baths and hot tea.
42. My hunky, darling husband who has such faith- How I deserved him? God must think that I am precious to be given so great a man.

Gratitude

In the midst of struggles, busyness and just living each day, I am trying to name the things, people, events, and feelings that I am thankful for. I hope to be able to name at least 1000 by the end of the year. This would be a small sampling of everything I should and am thankful for- all good gifts from my Faithful God.

27. Another day with a job.
28. A super pediatrician and his office staff.
29. Antibiotics that will kill the ear infection.
30. Surviving the dentist with sick little one.
31. Being reminded how hard but how amazing it was to be a new mom to new itty bitties.
32. Longing for time with God in worship and prayer.
33. Friends who pray for you.
34. The need for tears to flow and the relief when they finally do.
35. Sunshine reflecting on the pond on a chilly winter day.

God is good and faithful. "If I keep my eyes on God, I won't trip over my own feet. Look at me and help me! I'm all alone and in big trouble. ...Keep watch over me and keep me out of trouble; Don't let me down when I run to you." Psalm 25:15-16;20 (The Message)

Gratituesday

As Trish Berg described it today in her post, life sometimes comes up with some blind curves. Sometimes you know that the road of life has potential blind curves and you do nothing to prepare for them. They end up catching you off guard, unprepared. Those are the kind that I get so frustrated with myself about. That is the kind of blind curve I am in right now. I just don't know how tight of a curve it is yet. I know that God is faithful and trustworthy. He hears me and yet His ways probably are not my ways. I have witnessed His loving provision in the past. Yet, I don't feel worthy of His care and concern. My rebellion and wretchedness is so great that I feel selfish, self-centered, a bit of spoiled brat coming to Him with my pleas. But I still want to have faith and trust that He will guide me through this nasty stretch of road to a straight and more scenic and relaxing drive. God is good.

John Piper in Future Grace writes, "There is a sense in which gratitude and faith are interwoven joys that strengthen each other. As gratitude joyfully revels in the benefits of past grace, so faith joyfully relies on the benefits of future grace. Therefore when gratitude for God’s past grace is strong, the message is sent that God is supremely trustworthy in the future because of what he has done in the past. In this way faith is strengthened by a lively gratitude for God’s past trustworthiness."

God is a faithful God. He has never changed, nor will He ever. When I can see or remember God's faithfulness in all circumstances, it should be easier for me to give thanks.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:16-17

That same verse in The Message says: "Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
Today I am grateful for:

19. Another day with a job.
20. Energetic children.
21. A picture by DD that says she loves me because she is my little girl.
22. A day of building puzzles with my little man.
23. A day of prayer and crying out to my faithful Savior.
24. Psalms 25.
25. Bloggy friends who pray for me.
26. Winning a gift basket of Johnson and Johnson cocoa butter oil and lotion. Mmmmmm! I need that. God is good.

God Who Are You? Bible Study

Who is God to me? This is a question I have been mulling over all week as I have undertaken this great online study. I don't know if all of my thoughts will totally make sense to anyone else.
Who is God to me? I have thought how I have viewed Him over my 40 plus years and how I view Him today.
God has always seemed larger than life to me. He is this huge presence that is watching me and keeping up with my good and bad deeds. He is ready to punish me or make things difficult when I don't do what is right. He provides for me wonderfully when I do what is good and right. I was afraid of Him - He knew my thoughts and words before I even thought or said them. With all of this though, I knew He loved me and I loved Him and wanted to please Him.
Then I understood more about the Trinity and the songs, "Jesus Is All the World to Me" and "Anywhere with Jesus", became my themed songs. I sung them all the time. What comfort and peace I felt when I sang these songs to myself and thought about the words. Jesus was my forever friend- He was my everything.
Now, I view God as my Creator and giver of life. He provided a way for my salvation. He is the only one that can provide me with the security and comfort that I need. He is the only one that can know me through and through. However, I still disappoint Him by not trusting Him totally. I take back control of my life decisions over and over thus falling into sin. I am stubborn and willful and do lots of things I know are not beneficial. I deserve any punishment, discipline, negative consequences as a result of my decisions. I still fear Him but also so love being able to crawl up into His lap and lay it all before Him. He is the Great Comforter- My Daddy - My Forever Friend.
I know of His great love for me because He has given me an amazing man for my lifelong partner in marriage (one I don't deserve) and after so many years of infertility, in His perfect timing, God has given me two awesome and beautiful children. I have been blessed by my Heavenly Father for reasons I don't quite understand because I am not deserving. I just know that despite my own failings, He never fails me- He is still all the world to me and I will go anywhere He leads me.

God Who Are You? Bible Study

An online Bible study is getting underway this week! If you stumbled into my little blog, you can learn more about the study, download the study guide and view the weekly video here.... http://www.titus2atthewell.com/ I am anxious to join in as I really feel the need for feeding from God's Word. It is funny how I can be involved in ministry and lead ministry and even studies, yet I don't seem satisfied. Perhaps it is my own weakness that I don't take the time I need to really commune with God. I am getting chapters read and notes made for the next meeting. It has all become just another to do on my endless lists. My prayer is that this study will be a time without deadlines, a time when I can escape for a little while to the computer to watch the video and then spend my few minutes of quite time thinking, reading and praying about who God is amd how He fits into my life.

I am Mary Lynn, a so called stay-at-home mom of two (ages 4 and 6), Little Man is still at home and busting with energy and enthusiasm for all things mechanical, bouncing, and with wheels. Little Princess is in kindergarten. She is a very good student but would prefer to be home wearing her tiaras and playing with most things girlie- growing up is hard - for her and mommy. I am married for the last 18 years to my Prince Charming and best friend. I consider myself extremely blessed with a wonderful family. Currently, I keep way too busy with leading a MOPS ministry. I am retiring after this year as my season of life is changing rapidly. The majority of my "free" time is spent leading the early childhood ministry at our growing church. Getting everyone scheduled, and getting worship and small groups set up for Sunday services is a full time job. I have been put in a place where I can serve and influence in an area that I feel passionate about. However, I often feel torn between being a better mom and wife without the distractions and obligations elsewhere and using the talents and opportunities God has given me to lead other children to a life changing relationship with their forever friend, Jesus. My prayer is that I will be able to intentionally take time each week to watch the video and make the time of reflection and prayer a priority.