Gratituesday

It has been a good day but a hard day. I know that I don't really have to pack boxes, but doing so gives me a little control over things right now. It is something tangible and real. It also gives me a chance to realize that we are really leaving our little house on the pond, our church and the safety of things known and comfortable. But God is not calling us to be comfortable right now. A verse that I was given not to long ago is:


 ²⁰ You will be like the person who tried to sleep
       on a bed that was too short
    and with a blanket that was too narrow
       to wrap around himself. (Isaiah 28:20, New Century Version)

This is what I feel like right now. Someone trying to sleep on a bed that is just too short for them. I sometimes have to lie down with little man on his small youth bed. If I do fall asleep, I usually wake up with a crick in my neck or stiff in the legs from being scrunched on the too small bed. It is just not comfortable and a good rest is hard to get in that bed situation.
Now the covers are a big deal to me. If I am cold, I need to be covered with lots of warm blankets, but if it is too much I get overheated and wake up sweating. Not enough covers, even in the summer, is not a good thing either. I need just the right amount of covers. I used to travel with a blanket so if I got cold I could cover up. The problem was that the blanket was really too small to do much good. A sweater would have been just as good. When I am tired and cold, I want comfort for sweet, restful, peaceful time of being.
Right now, my life feels like a too short bed. As much as I try to rest and turn this way and that, I find that I am scrunched for time, patience, peace, good feelings - generally a peace and happiness. My days are sometimes filled with my pains in the neck and sick feelings in my stomach than anything else. As much as I would like to curl up under the shelter of a nice and cuddly blanket that fully covers me and my family, I seem to feel lots of drafts - emptiness, gaps. Primarily caused by worry, anxiety, stress, - realization of sin and lack of dependance on God.
Yep, I am in a time right now where my bed is too short and the blanket just doesn't seem to be enough. I do know this though, God is near. He has never left me. I may have - did - move away from Him, but He has always been near me. God has us on this short bed for a reason. I don't fully understand why, but He has us there for now and with a small blanket. He has the blanket that fully covers us though. He has grace, mercy and salvation. For now, I need to continue to find things to praise Him for, to thank Him for. It is with the perspective that things could be worse, at least we don't..... that help me through the days. Naming my manna - my blessings and surrounding myself and filling my thoughts with things that pure, lovely, true, praiseworthy and excellent help.
This has been a hard day but a good day. Boxes packed- I have way too many clothes! We have way too much stuff in general. I am overwhelmed by it all - focus on true, lovely, praiseworthy.... I have lots to do - lots I really don't want to face but glad that at the same time.

1. A job that provides income
2. A little rental house
3. A realtor- I count as a new friend
4. New friends to meet
5. New opportunities
6. The little house on the pond
7. Heat
8. Boxes to pack in
9. Nice clothes to pack
10. Memories
11. New adventures
12. Snow
13 Mid- 40s
14. Hubby that misses us
15. Kitties 3
16. Tears
17. Old friends
18. Opportunities past
19. Comfortable life situations
20. Repentance
21. Dependance on God
22. God's faithfulness
23. God's grace
24. Mercy
25. Salvation paid at a great price
26. Holiday lights
27. Holiday music
28. Kids' anticipation of Christmas
29. God is my portion
30. A new day- a do over
31. Comfortable bed
32. Warm blankets
33. A few hours of sleep
34. Hope
35. Peace
36. Joy
37. A Christmas Elf
38. Warm coffee
39. Cold Dr. Pepper
40. Children 2

Home Is Where the Heart Is

As the time comes to a rapid end of our life here in Milledgeville, my heart rate quickens and my blood pressure must rise to a great high. I feel the pressure and weight of all the many tasks still at hand. All of the things I knew should be done, but I had time didn't I? There is no rush... Well, now there is a rush... I still just don't want to really do it all though.
It isn't that I don't want to go to Ohio. I look forward to the adventure there. Yes, it will be cold. We are blessed with clothes to wear. It isn't that I don't think my kids will be happy. They will experience the separation from things and people familiar but my kids are confident kids, always friendly and talkative. They will be great! This will even be a good thing. It is so easy to become complacent and take for granted what you have. This move will be a good lesson for all of us. Leaving a ministry that I have nurtured and lived with for about eight years will be hard, but not really that hard. The children's ministry belongs to God. I was entrusted with its leadership- a huge blessing and opportunity I am forever grateful for. But I leave this ministry in good hands. I will greatly miss the people I have served with for so long. They have been huge blessings to me and to my own kids. But they will continue to serve and bless more kids and they don't need me to do that. I, too, will eventually find where God wants me to serve kids and their families. I have no doubt that is my calling but I don't know what it will look like in Ohio.
I am not afraid or concerned about living in a smaller house- we have a basement for storage and some play area. Less to clean! I am not worried about finding my own contacts - already provided and my bloggy friends are still a screen away. I am not concerned about schooling or even a church home. Schools are great, little man will be okay with me for a few months, and a church will be found. So what is making my heart race? It is my home here- The house that I love, not because of its up-to-date in the late 80s counter tops, light and water fixtures, not because of its huge open floor plan. A bit under 2000 sq ft and not so open by today's plans but a good entertaining home. I love this house because this is house God provided when we moved here almost 10 years ago. I love this house because of the beautiful pond and wildlife in my backyard. I have an amazing yard! I love it because it is in a great neighborhood with Halloween traditions, Christmas luminaries, and occassional summer activities as a neighborhood. All with friendly people who will stop their walk to chat for a minute about the kids. We may not each others names but we are aware of each other's presence and what is happening on the surface as we drive or walk by each house. I love my house because this is where my little ones were brought home and learned to walk, talk, and ride a trike! This is where we have celebrated birthdays, Christmas, and summer days. This has been the place my heart and the hearts of my family have loved with each heartbeat. This has been home! Now I face the reality that I am leaving home in a few weeks and my home will be left without a heart. I have prayed for a buyer for this little house. Someone to just love it and to love in it. Someone to be its heart. For whatever reason, God has not provided that person yet. So my heart beats a little more rapidly when I think about closing the door and locking it for the last time as I move all that I love 550 miles away. I am sure that God will provide a buyer, the ability to have mortgage and rent payments made, my family will transition fine and that He knows my heart. He has much in store for us. I simply must love Him, my family and trust. My heart and the hearts of my family will love each other and love God with each heartbeat. We will be together again under one roof, just not in the "house on the pond" but in the "little rental house in the snow".


I am thankful for:
1. the house on the pond
2. the little rental house in the snow
3. God's provision of a house
4. warm clothes
5. adventures
6. new experiences
7. bloggy friends
8. new friends
9. confident kids
10. provision of a job
11. provision for all our needs
12. God's grace
13. God's compassion
14. God's concern
15. opportunity to serve
16. those that served us
17. new service opportunities
18. new church family
19. friendly neighbors
20. memories
21. new memories to come
22. all things 80s
23. room to entertain and to love
24. the pond
25. wood ducks, turtles, herons, geese, fish, deer galore
26. laughter
27. trike and scooter rides on leaf roads
28. hide and seek among the pines and azaleas
29. quiet and not so quiet afternoons in the sun
30. Christmaas mornings
31. pancakes on Saturdays
32. bringing home babies
33. the family to come soon
34. the hearts that beat
35. the one my heart beats the fastest for the last 19 years
36. the one who created each heart beat
37. home where ever the hearts beat

Over Doing It All

I have the tendency to over do most things- I will over do what really needs to be done for a party or event and often will do it all by myself because I know exactly what I want and I am the only one who can do it! I over do and over extend myself way more often than not. I have been known, mostly by the waistband of my pants and skirts, to over do the food at a party or holiday event. Thanksgiving is one of the holidays that provide me the opportunity to eat way more than I need to at one sitting. Then there is the overdoing it on shopping. I am a recovering shopaholic. I used to shop til I dropped - not kidding. I would shop the before Christmas sales, the after Christmas sales and the Christmas in July sales. I love shopping but there are consequences to pay, literally with all the shopping. Luckily, I have not found myself in dire physical or fiscal problems yet, but that is only because of God's protection and provision. Lysa TerKeurst is one of my absolutely favorite people. No, I have yet to meet her, but she knows me so well because she writes books and blogs that are specifically for me. Her newest book is to be released in January. I am so excited. It gives me something to look forward to when I get to Ohio and slow down to digest everything. While this book is primarily focused on overdoing it with food, I am confident the principles could be applied toward money, relationships with others, technology,etc. Anything that replaces God as your comfort, provider, or focus on life and worship. I do need to lose some 40 pounds. With this book and the opportunity to exercise at a supposedly great Fitness Center in Ohio, I will do it with God's help. But I also know that shopping is a temptation for comfort. It gives me a sense of empowerment. I am looking forward to applying the principles to my wallet as well. Now the other thing that is brought to my mind as I have been looking forward to this book is this. I am known for overdoing it with lots of things in my life- But do I over do it with my relationship with God? Do I over do it with reading and meditating on God's Word? Do over do it with prayer? Serving? Giving to others? What is that God has designed me to Crave? Cheesecake? A new pair of boots? Or is it time with Him- sitting still and listening to Him as He provides Comfort and Direction for my life?
I believe I was made to crave more than amaretto cheesecake and new leather boots. I was made to crave a relationship with my Lord and Savior. Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll! Enjoy the cheesecake and enjoy the preChristmas sales, but mostly enjoy some time with the people you love and with The Giver and Creator of All!

Lead Me

I love this song. I am so thankful for a man that is willing to lead me and to lead my children. God was perfect in providing this amazing and amazingly hunky guy for my lifelong friend and partner. I could never have chosen anyone better for myself. His hand was in the forming of the friendship and mutual respect and admiration of one another. Then the ultimate realization that there was no one else that I even cared to spend time with other than this man. God provided me with a man who loves God more than anything else and who is very wise and wants to serve God. While he is not perfect and does make mistakes, he is growing and searching for God's guidance.
I am blessed as are our children.
Now he does ball up wet dishrags and leave them on the edge of the sink. He often pays more attention to Fox News than to what the kids are saying and doing. He often is in the van ready to go while I am carrying out armloads of stuff for the day. So he is a man. But what a man he is! He is a man of God! How I love him and miss him very much right now. I so need to be with him and have him walk with me, leading me and our children. God is good! I am thankful for my darling, amazing and incredibly hunky man of 18 years of marriage! I pray that God helps him in leading us. I pray that he knows he is not alone in this life - he has God and he has our love and appreciation for his leadership.

So Much More.....

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been that I have had time or the presence of mind to stop in and just ramble.
God has been good! For the past year, we have prayed for God's provision of a better job situation for hubby. God decided in August to answer not with "It is okay - things will better where you are" Nor did He get my memo about south of the Mason-Dixon. No, ma'am! He has been opening doors for a life in Ohio! The Cleveland area!!! We are trading in our Callaway Garden passes for Niagra Falls passes. We are that close for daytrips! This should be quite an adventure and a challenge for a southern girl who lives in her flip flops and crop pants. The kids are excited though! Snow! No school uniforms! A possible basement to play in! They are really excited! I would be more excited except I am quite worried about selling our beloved little house here in Georgia. Everyday someone has asked if we have had any interest and everyday I must say "No". Not one looker except the one fellow Dana hired before he left the company. We weren't what he wanted. He was very kind to endure a tour.
God has been taking some of this time with Dana being gone- Yes, he has been in Ohio since the early part of Sept. working and living in a little furnished apt. We see him every other weekend. But God has been working on my heart. It has been so hard and so necessary. I don't know that He is done with me yet or not. I will confess that I have not been obedient to Him and the consequences are hard.
I have really tried to dig into the Word and spend lots more time talking to Him. I have even arranged things or rather made it a priority to make it to worship every week. The children's ministry will have to get along without me soon enough. That is another chapter in this story. I have been so dry and am thirsty - longing for time with God. I am undeserving!
I will share some of the Word spoken to me- I can't explain my thoughts on it totally yet here but Psalms 25 and Isaiah 30:15-21;29. Especially verse 21 "This is the Way, Walk in it." It is amazing how many times God has put that verse in front of me in the last weeks. I am always amazed at how He uses others to do His teaching and prodding. These are just a few of the scriptures I have spent time with.
God has provided with a good candidate to take my place in Kidsville. I love kidmin. I don't know if that is where God will lead me in the future. I have a lot of maturing to do though. I am at peace in some aspects of leaving Kidsville and all the kids and my team behind. There is another mission field for me to work in up in Ohio. I am not certain where God is leading me. I will have lots to pray about and try to clearly discern what God is leading me to do there. I know it very well may not be in leadership as a kidmin but it isn't about leading. I just want to teach and help little ones and their families.
I have come to the understanding that while we hae been praying for provision in Dana's job and for our family. God was answering this prayer as "Yes, I will provide Dana with a new job (in Ohio) and I will provide your family with what is needed... a mommy that can be singularly focused on God and family again... at least for a season." I have been so wrapped up and out of kilter because of kidmin and MOPS that I ministered great to other kids and families but my own has been robbed. Oh, the difficulty in knowing that fully. God has asked me to be obedient to Him and to walk in faith. I am actually looking forward to curling up on my couch on a cold and snowy day in February under my warmest blankie with my hot chocolate and just spending time talking to God and reading more about what He wants me to know. I don't know if it will be in my own house or a rented house or small apartment. It won't matter. The ultimate goal is for my family to be together as one - healthy and content in our new life as Ohioians or whatever. God has been so good in so much so far. I will Trust and Obey Him! To Him I Surrender All! What an adventure that lies ahead of us. God is good although He does have a great sense of humor- Flip flops in snow?? Do they have grits up there? He will provide as always... Maybe Grit Trees are indigeneous to Ohio......

I am thankful for .....
1. a job in Ohio
2. a family that longs to be together
3. my friend who is willing to lead in kidmin
4. friends who come over at 6am to help with garage sales
5. a house to sell in Ga
6. a realator working for us in Ohio
7. amazing ways God provides for us.
8. bloggy friends -yet unmet in Ohio waiting to help us.
9. the adventure that lies ahead
10. God behind me whispering in my ear and heart
11. the hard stuff
12. the soft landings
13. grace beyond imagining
14. fall football
15. flip flops
16. crop pants
17. grits
18. Fed Ex for BBQ deliveries
19. hot chocolate
20. warm blankies
21. snowy days with God
22. happy kids
23. time with God
24. worship
25. hubby that loves and misses us
26. loving and missing hubby as much or more
27. opportunities provided to serve in kidmin
28. the opportunities ahead
29. a family to serve and minister
30. SO MUCH MORE......

Gratitude

Thank you,God for being my portion for times of uncertainity and worry. Spending a day in prayer rather than worry and all the side effects of such thoughts was refreshing and rewarding. You are a great God!

66. Little Man reaching for my hand when we walk.
67. Hubby reaching for my arm or shoulder when we sleep.
68. Little Man saying, "Mommy, I want to be with you forever."
Oh, if only you would and could, My sweet little one.- Mommy sighs with tears.
69. The Isaelites journey in the Wilderness and the lessons I am uncovering from their trip.
70. Quitet time again to read, reflect and pray. - I am dry and thirsty.

Lord, be my portion today. Help me to see You, hear You and know You so I can follow hard after You today!

Gratitude

No matter what my reality is, I should be able to readily count my joys and blessings.

53. Another year of life.
54. Children that want to love me and make my birthday special with gifts from their own rooms and possessions.
55. Refrigerators at church to hold my warming groceries from my officially dead refrigerator.
56.The soft hum of electricity flowing through a new and improved refrigerator.
57. The money available to make a most expensive and unexpected(not really wanted) birthday purchase.
58. Children with intelligence and academic strengths.
59. My daughter's sweet and beautiful handwriting (She is a lefty) and her gift of writing.
60. The love of books instilled in little hearts.
61. The best birthday gift given by little man- his quiet slumber on birthday day.
62. Additional 90 minutes filled with quiet commune with God in 2 Chronicles and beyond.
63. The gift of God's message to me for the day.
64. Another day of employment for hubby.
65. Plans change resulting in hubby home for my birthday. -Just having him here is enough.

Psalm 36:5-10a
5 Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.
6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the ocean depths.
You care for people and animals alike, O Lord.
7 How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter
in the shadow of your wings.
8 You feed them from the abundance of your own house,
letting them drink from your river of delights.
9 For you are the fountain of life,
the light by which we see.

10 Pour out your unfailing love on those who love you;

Gratituesday

43. A few stolen moments to blog.
44. A speedy appliance repairman.
45. Kind, understanding and knowledgable nurses at pediatricians.
46. A few stolen moments to scrapbook.
47. Sweet birthday wishes.
48. Children and hubby that love me despite my weaknesses.
49. A loving and merciful God who fills in my gaps. 2 Corinthians 12:9
50. Sunshine and the fresh new buds of new life- Spring is coming!
51. Another book study with Lysa TerKeurst- Colossians this time!
52. God's provision- Each day thankful for another day of employment for Dana.

Gratitude

Oh, for the grace and mercy of my heavenly Father! He is faithful to me!

I give you all the credit, God- You got me out of that mess(again for today), You didn't let (Satan gloat over my sins). God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave (one I dug myself), gave me another chance (for today) when I was down-and-out. All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God! Thank Him face to face! He gets angry once in awhile (as well He should with me) but across (my) lifetime there is (and has been) only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter...... I called out to You, O God; I laid my case before You; ....So listen! and be kind! Help me out of this! You did it(again); You changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst out with song; I can't keep quiet about You. God, my God, I can't thank You enough. Psalm 30 (The Message) parantheses are mine.

God is a faithful God. He has always proven faithful to me. I often didn't understand and don't always understand why things happen. When my parents encountered another Christian who dealt them a bad, dishonest business agreement with no recourse for justice in this world which resulted in lots of financial difficulties for our family, God was faithful and provided and provided! Praise God!
When I left home for the very first time to teach out of state even! God provided the most amazing school principal - he proclaimed Jesus to the graduating fifth graders and their families - in a public school with the superintendent there! What a testimony to his faith! I knew during the phone interview to set up the face to face interview that this was the man I wanted to work for and with. God provided the opportunity and the peace within my heart to say "YES!". Over and over during those three years, God proved, such as with that first graduation ceremony, His provision to be faithful for my good. God provided through one relationship to be faithful in leading me to discover the man He chose for my lifelong friend and partner in life. While the pain is almost unbearable in the midst of the death of a relationship, He was faithful in providing good friends who loved me and were supportive, including the man, I later married. So much more to that story and yes, the guy I broke up with was in our wedding. Afterall, he was a good friend to both my darling, hunky man and to me. God is faithful. When my precious Daddy died so unexpectedly while he and Momma were out of the country, God was faithful in providing Christians to minister to my mom before my brother could get to her. God is amazing! He provided so many opportunities for darling, hunky husband and I to travel for business/pleasure and to do ministry abroad and locally that we would not have been able to do if we had children. In the midst of the heart ache of infertility for eleven years, God was faithful. He was faithful in answering the desires of our hearts and prayers with two amazing children! Oh, my God is faithful! Even today, God is faithful in hearing my pleas and prayers. Despite my sin, my rebellion, my unworthiness of His mercy, forgiveness and love, He is faithful! My God is faithful! I praise Him for this day and His faithfulness today!

Today I am grateful for:
36. Another day with a job!
37. Sunshine to play outside in.
38. Hot dogs and hair cuts with my little man.
39. Beth Moore's wise words from Psalm 37.
40. God's faithfulness and love for someone such as I.
41. Warm bubble baths and hot tea.
42. My hunky, darling husband who has such faith- How I deserved him? God must think that I am precious to be given so great a man.

Gratitude

In the midst of struggles, busyness and just living each day, I am trying to name the things, people, events, and feelings that I am thankful for. I hope to be able to name at least 1000 by the end of the year. This would be a small sampling of everything I should and am thankful for- all good gifts from my Faithful God.

27. Another day with a job.
28. A super pediatrician and his office staff.
29. Antibiotics that will kill the ear infection.
30. Surviving the dentist with sick little one.
31. Being reminded how hard but how amazing it was to be a new mom to new itty bitties.
32. Longing for time with God in worship and prayer.
33. Friends who pray for you.
34. The need for tears to flow and the relief when they finally do.
35. Sunshine reflecting on the pond on a chilly winter day.

God is good and faithful. "If I keep my eyes on God, I won't trip over my own feet. Look at me and help me! I'm all alone and in big trouble. ...Keep watch over me and keep me out of trouble; Don't let me down when I run to you." Psalm 25:15-16;20 (The Message)

Gratituesday

As Trish Berg described it today in her post, life sometimes comes up with some blind curves. Sometimes you know that the road of life has potential blind curves and you do nothing to prepare for them. They end up catching you off guard, unprepared. Those are the kind that I get so frustrated with myself about. That is the kind of blind curve I am in right now. I just don't know how tight of a curve it is yet. I know that God is faithful and trustworthy. He hears me and yet His ways probably are not my ways. I have witnessed His loving provision in the past. Yet, I don't feel worthy of His care and concern. My rebellion and wretchedness is so great that I feel selfish, self-centered, a bit of spoiled brat coming to Him with my pleas. But I still want to have faith and trust that He will guide me through this nasty stretch of road to a straight and more scenic and relaxing drive. God is good.

John Piper in Future Grace writes, "There is a sense in which gratitude and faith are interwoven joys that strengthen each other. As gratitude joyfully revels in the benefits of past grace, so faith joyfully relies on the benefits of future grace. Therefore when gratitude for God’s past grace is strong, the message is sent that God is supremely trustworthy in the future because of what he has done in the past. In this way faith is strengthened by a lively gratitude for God’s past trustworthiness."

God is a faithful God. He has never changed, nor will He ever. When I can see or remember God's faithfulness in all circumstances, it should be easier for me to give thanks.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:16-17

That same verse in The Message says: "Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
Today I am grateful for:

19. Another day with a job.
20. Energetic children.
21. A picture by DD that says she loves me because she is my little girl.
22. A day of building puzzles with my little man.
23. A day of prayer and crying out to my faithful Savior.
24. Psalms 25.
25. Bloggy friends who pray for me.
26. Winning a gift basket of Johnson and Johnson cocoa butter oil and lotion. Mmmmmm! I need that. God is good.

Joy Challenge

The joy for today is being home with my two sweet little ones and enjoying their companionship and love. Snuggles and the cutest and sweetest love notes with pictures from my babies is so precious. I take it all for granted and don't enjoy the moment enough. Thank you, God, for their love and this time in life. May I always store these days in my heart to ponder when I grow old and they grow up and move on to their own independent lives and families. What a priceless gift I have in my babies. May I be the mommy they deserve and You designed me to be. With your help and guidance, may they come to know. love and seek You hard each day.

Waiting Some More

The past few months have been filled with me doing a lot of thinking and searching. I will admit that I haven't searched hard enough or intentionally enough - Why? Because I am too preoccupied with committments I can't drop, kids, house, my own plans and fear. Fear that what I may discover will lead to some changes or hard decisions about a lot of stuff. I have read and studied about finding and following God's Will - His Lead in my life. I have sought counsel from some other women who found themselves in similiar places. I have discussed this with my wise and wonderful hubby. I have tried to go slower and be more intentional about my plans, choices, activities. But alas, I have still met frustration and feelings of failure and incompetancy head on each day.
Over and over this summer, I have read or heard about waiting on God. Be still, abide with Him, seek Him, wait on Him, wait, be still, seek, abide, wait.... So, I will tell you that when I read with Beth Moore the scripture basis for her simulcast, I caught my breath. (Yes, I did not read beforehand as the afore mentioned committments took priority). The scripture was from Psalm 37:1-9.
In these verses, David tells me to "trust", "dwell", "delight", "commit", "trust" again, "rest" , "wait patiently" and "wait" again.
The primary verse was verse 4 - This is where I was totally blown away- "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." This verse appeared in book by Lisa Whelchel for moms wanting to study the Bible more. I pick up this book about once a year and this past week, read this verse and spent some time thinking about it - word by word. It was a wonderful and peaceful, joy-giving time with one little verse out on my deck in the quiet and cool of a late August morning. Then a few days later, I am honored to sit and listen to a great speaker share her thoughts and study on that verse and how it all relates to the waiting, trusting, resting, abiding, being still and finding joy. For so long, I have desired joy in my life again. Why don't I have joy anymore? Holley Gerth from Dayspring is in the middle of a 40 day challenge to find joy each day. I have taken the challenge and look for the joy moments. So again when this was the scripture of the Friday night and Saturday morning sessions with Beth Moore, I was thrilled, amazed and scared because I know that God has something for me to know from this. But then the ride home, I continued reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, It just was released this week to stores. But it came in the mail right before we left. Anyway, I heart Lysa and her writing and read on the return trip about David waiting following being annointed by Samuel. Yes, waiting again. Lysa gave me further thought on this subject. Did I mention that one night last week before we left, I spent about an hour in the floor of Little Man's room, reading by the light of his night light about the Greek and Hebrew words for waiting.? Yes, I did! Spurred by the reading of someone else's comment somewhere in cyberspace about the meaning of the word. I just needed more information and to see it for myself. Wait - Wait - Wait- something most of us can't stand to do or to do for very long. Personally, I am curious about what I am waiting for and why- Does it have to do with my desires or the heart of my desires? There is more to be thought about and prayed about - ah, there may be my answer or the way to the answer.

Until then, I will DELIGHT MYSELF IN THE LORD

So this Tuesday, I am grateful for Waiting - for Beth Moore, Lisa Whelchel and Lysa TerKeurst and tons of other ladies leading me on this journey

Chill Out, Chick!

This chick can be pretty intense. I am task oriented and very intense when when working on something. I always thought that the passion, dedication, hard work and pursuit of excellence was a strength. But now I am thinking that it might just be a weakness. For me, accomplishing tasks, seeing the product of my time and efforts, feeling like my work makes a difference to someone- I am contributing to the bigger picture is my identity- my self-worth.
I also just don't go half-way- Oh, no, I have to go all out! Then it has to be done just so, almost to perfection. I will spend hours preparing a flyer or writing a letter to someone- just fretting and fussing over the smallest of details. The end result after an extended amount of time in the activity usually leads to burnout.
Yes, the activities I get so wrapped up in are good, worthy activities- Ministries, even. Now how good of a thing can that be?! But ministries are way too often laden with people problems,too. Getting people to work, see things in the same way, work with the same intensity, be dependable, etc. is really hard and very, very draining. But hey, it is ministry, all for the Kingdom, right? It has to be worth it all.
But that leads me to the question I am struggling with now and have been for some time: At what cost am I doing ministry?
The cost is immeasurable for it involves the most important ministry I have been given, my family. God has blessed me with an amazing husband and two wonderful blessings that call me Mommy. I have been given these children to raise and nurture. For whatever reason,God has deemed me worthy to be their mommy. They need me to be intentional, attentive, enthusiastic, patient, loving, joyful, healthy (spiritually and physically) while parenting them. Instead they get distracted, frustrated, grumpy, grumpy, grumpy, impatient, absent physically and emotionally, tense and intense. They have paid a great price for my good deeds.
Hubby is patient most of the time and supportive most of the time. He, too, has paid for my intensity in ministry affairs. My home has paid a price as has my health and my spiritual well-being.
All of this affects the effectiveness of my ministries. So, what is a chick to do? I am not in a postion to just walk away - I do have some God-given talents and desires to work in these ministries. He has provided me with these opportunities and has blessed them. But it is my choice in how I will spend my time and how I will use my leadership to accomplish ministry. My choices in the past have been selfish and intense. Now my choices are to let go, delegate, and narrow the focus-simply to Chill Out!
By limiting the ministry part of my life, I pray that I can be the kind of mom, wife and Christian I need to be. It is too great of a cost, not to really be intense about my family and my spiritual well-being.
So this chick is thankful for the chance to just chill out with the kiddos!

Tired and Failing Mommy Basking in Grace

I struggle so much with knowing if I am following God's Will for my life and for my family right now. I am heavily involved in some great and important ministries such as children's ministry and MOPS. However, there is no greater ministry than the one of being mommy. With the weekly demands of children's ministry and the demands bi-weekly of MOPS, I am often not a happy mommy. I feel terrible and that I am a failure as a mom. My children deserve a mommy that is happy to be with them and is engaged in their play and activities. But instead, I am grumpy and impatient with their preschool antics. I want to intentionally parent my children. I want to intentionally discipline, teach and love them. How can I do that when I am thinking about the phone calls I need to make,the endless to-do lists just to make sure Sunday is good to go for all of the little ones? What am I suppose to be doing? This would be easy if I knew that these areas were not my gifts. I also think that my kids should understand that God expects us to serve others.But how do I find the balance? I feel so tired and so burdened with the responsibilities of mothering, leading two ministries, being a wife and a Christian. (It doesn't help that I serve the entire morning at church so I am never free to go to worship- I long, hunger for worship.) I also feel like a failure in so many other areas of life- finances, wife, maintaining a personal relationship with God.There are so many decisions I make that endanger or hurt my family. Many of my decisions also hurt my spiritual health as well. Despite how many times I try to start over and improve, I fail. I know I can't do this alone, however, I end up going my own way before too long.
This is not meant to be a pity party or beat myself up session, but simply an acknowledgement that I am a person who struggles daily- even minute by minute- to walk according to God's Will. I am very weak and without my Savior, I would be hopeless. I am so thankful that I bask in God's Grace. It is not because I am married to a wonderful, Godly man nor that I am ministry leader for two ministries or have college degrees or anything else I have done in my life. It is simply because God loves me. Loves me enough to sacrifice His Son for my sins and shortcomings. I am thankful that God's grace is more than enough for me, the sinner and screw-up. I am thankful that God's power can be made perfect as He helps me in all of my many weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Gratituesday

I seem to always be a day behind in my postings. This week we have taken some time to enjoy some sunshine and the warmer weather. The freedom of being outside and not in pounds of layers is a welcome and refreshing part of the season. The kids are having fun in their imaginative play. They are, for the most part, enjoying one another. I am forever grateful for two kids that are healthy and physically and mentally able to play together.
This past week brought a reminder to darling husband and I that the little lives we have been entrusted with here, ultimately belong to God. A local family's three year old drowned in a pond as he was riding his bike. With a pond in our backyard and a three year old of our own, that situation became very real for us. As much as we love our kids, God loves them far greater! It is difficult to fathom that kind of love. I am thankful that God does love my two sweet blessings that much and loves me that much as well. I celebrate my kids and their joy in the spring's wonderful weather.

Gratituesday

Sometimes the end of the day results in this Mommy feeling very frustrated and so tired as I listen to two preschoolers argue over who has the blue crayon or who wrote on someone's masterpiece. I wonder what am I doing wrong? What do I need to do to have a peaceful and enjoyable afternoon with two loving and compassionate children? Then there are those few days where I listen to them playing together in some imaginary and creative play, giggling and just being sweet. When I stop and be still and really think things through I realize that I do have two sweet, loving and compassionate kids! But they are learning how to get along with others who have different ideas or ways of doing things. With one being boy and the other girl they do think about things differently. They are also a lot like me. When I am tired from the day's activities, I get impatient and simply grumpy. But I am older and have learned some self-control over those emotions. They are simply little people trying to figure all of that out. They are also like me in that often my way seems to be the best and the only way and become very irritated when others don't see things my way. In short, we are all not perfect- selfishness, pride, lack of self-control often shove out the gentleness, patience, joy, contentment, and love we really want for ourselves and for ourselves. So today, I am thankful for two children who are truly gifts from God. And even with their grumpiness and fussiness, they are mine to guide and help prepare for this imperfect life and the perfect life with God.