Going Alone

This week has been a little hard for me. One I sent my oldest to big school as a kindergartener. Now this child was born for school and is so smart (not that I am bias or anything). I know she is ready and needs to go but still seeing her little girl self walk into that big ole building with the other BIG kids was a little scary for me. (We won't even think about when she goes to college- sobs!) Despite how frustrating her endless questions, torments of little brother and general little girl silliness are, I miss my baby girl! There I have said it- so with tears in my eyes, I will so admit I am sad about sending her to kindergarten.
The other thing that has been hard is realizing that this week 14 years ago on August 4 was the day my Daddy died unexpectedly in Canada of a heart attack. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago! I am a Daddy's Girl and I adore my Daddy. It is very difficult and painful not to have him here with us now. I just miss him so much!
Despite all the changes life gives me and I know more are to come, I am confident that God wil give me the strength to get through it and settle into it all. But here is the problem, I am notorious for going it alone. Knowing that God is there and will see me through it but then actually relying entirely on Him and not solelyon myself are two separate things. I think of my sweet little girl this week when she insisted on walking into school alone for the first time. "No, Mommy, I want to walk in like a big kid." She was full of confidence that she could do it, but as the Mommy, I wasn't ready to let go of her hand. God is always there ready to grip my hand or even pick me up and carry me, but I am the little girl always saying, "No, I have to figure this out myself and get myself through this." Do I always have to be the big girl? Why do I let go of God's hand and go off on my own? Unlike my kindergartener, I don't often get to the destination safely. Lots of frustrations, failures, or more problems are a result of my going it alone. Simply, I get myself into more trouble.
So with this week and all of the reminders that life is moving on with new beginnings and bittersweet reminders that life changes in ways we don't always like or want, I know that God will hold my hand all the way through this life. It is also very comforting to know that He has my baby in His hands as well. So as a mommy I need to let go and let Him be her Daddy, too.

Menu Planning Monday

Okay, so things are "slowing down" and I have great plans to follow a menu and get some great meals on the table for my sweet family.

Saturday- Buffalo Chicken Wraps
Sunday- lunch at church (Discover Northridge)
dinner- Spinach and Broccoli Enchiladas
Monday- Sausage and Potato Supper
Tuesday- Southwest Pasta
Wednesday- Make baked beans for cookout for family swim night at church
Thursday- Salmon and Tomato Grits
Friday- Homemade Pizza
Saturday- Leftover Buffet

It is not like I don't have a ton of cookbooks and cooking magazines (I heart Paula Deena and Sandra Lee), including a cookbook I helped compiled and one compiled on the computer. But this week I am trying some recipes from www.tasteofhome.com. I get these delivered to my Inbox each week and every once in a while some come up that sound too yummy and easy to pass up.
This week there were several, starting with the Buffalo Chicken Wraps. Here is a little known fact: This chick loves some buffalo wings. So guess what?! I made this little wrap recipe - very easy and yes, the bacon is a must. Another thing my sweet sister says, "Everything is better with bacon." Very yummy - no, the kids ate the cold "quesadillas" with cheese and veges and were quite happy with their own creations.
I also discovered two new blogs and I am trying some of the recipes there.- Let's just say freezer meals are possibly my new best kitchen secret. I will post more about this find as I try some of the 3 meals I put in the freezer today. Ohhh..... so excited about

Mommy Moment Musings

We have traveled safely to and from Tennessee and VBS is finally done and cleaned up, one week of swim classes behind us and one to go and now in full swing to get ready for changes in worship services and in Kidsville....SIGH!!!!.... I long for a few months where I can just be quiet at home being mommy and homemaker, wife and scrapbooker. So many recipes, so many photos, so many things to play and teach yet so little left of me to give to the most important part of my life and the most important ministry I am called to do.
I have realized that although I love children's ministry, I don't love the fact that I spend a significant part of my week, dealing with finding more people to minister to the kids. I don't have time or energy left to shepherd kids or volunteers. I am now a mere sheep herder. Rounding up volunteers to take care of the little lambs for a given hour. Sheep herding takes away my time to shepherd and enjoy my kids- leaving me grumpy, hurried, scattered-brained (don't ask about the ice cream supper invite- case in point.) As my sweet sister says, I "drop my basket" a lot. No one, especially my sweet babies, should witness mommy dropping her basket. Now I am realizing the truth that I am overcommitted to and now have to devise a way to not only survive but also thrive with my responsibiblities in ALL of my ministries.
I thought I had sought God's Will for what I should be doing this year with my time, but I don't believe I did in earnest- I just gave it lip service, not any heart service. Because of my stubborn and prideful self, I am going to continue by stretched very thin unless I can delegate and empower others to step up. I need to continue praying about all of these things. I do take comfort in knowing that God's grace is enough for me, that He has the power to fill in the gaps of my weaknesses.
(1 Corinthians 12:9)

Menu Planning Monday

This is quick as we are in SC for the weekend and DH has finally come upstairs for bed. In an effort to be intentional, I am limiting computer time when the family is not occupied with sleep or other interests such as a he-man movie.
So very quickly and a bit sketchy details,the menu plan for this week:
Monday - In SC
Tuesday- Crockpot chicken
Wednesday- pasta
Thursday- Fish
Friday- Calzones
Breakfasts will be cinnamon toasts (kids love it) and cereal bars
Lunches will be sandwiches (PBJ, egg salad and deli meats)

Good Intentions

I have spent a lot of time lately composing posts in my head. Why is it that I get inspired when I am not near a computer or have the opportunity to sit down and type for a few minutes?

My favorite word is "intentional". I just love that word! Intentional means with a focused purpose. I have advocated being intentional about everything; marriage, parenting, spending time with God, fianances, time for myself, ministry. I have spent a lot of time in self-evaluation lately. Hence, those wonderful posts that will never see a computer screen. As a result of the evaluations to date, I discovered this horrible truth. Despite how much I want to be intentional, I have never been intentional at all! Now I could beat myself up and I have done quite a bit of that lately. But I have decided to make some changes in my life to become more intentional in living.
What I also discovered that I can not do this alone. That has been my problem all along. My "Miss I Can Do It Myself- I Can Figure This Out" self has failed miserably in all aspects of going it alone. I can not make a schedule and keep it without some guidance and discernment provided to me by God. He alone knows my every weakness and He alone can make me strong where I am weak.
I am thankful for a God who can forgive me for my sinful, selfish, pride-filled life. I am thankful that despite my failure to be intentional and do all things in life with a focused purpose that I do not have to give up. I can start again and this time intentionally seeking God's direction in all things. He alone will supply me with all I need to be the kind of wife, mommy, ministry leader, Christian I need to be.

Tired and Failing Mommy Basking in Grace

I struggle so much with knowing if I am following God's Will for my life and for my family right now. I am heavily involved in some great and important ministries such as children's ministry and MOPS. However, there is no greater ministry than the one of being mommy. With the weekly demands of children's ministry and the demands bi-weekly of MOPS, I am often not a happy mommy. I feel terrible and that I am a failure as a mom. My children deserve a mommy that is happy to be with them and is engaged in their play and activities. But instead, I am grumpy and impatient with their preschool antics. I want to intentionally parent my children. I want to intentionally discipline, teach and love them. How can I do that when I am thinking about the phone calls I need to make,the endless to-do lists just to make sure Sunday is good to go for all of the little ones? What am I suppose to be doing? This would be easy if I knew that these areas were not my gifts. I also think that my kids should understand that God expects us to serve others.But how do I find the balance? I feel so tired and so burdened with the responsibilities of mothering, leading two ministries, being a wife and a Christian. (It doesn't help that I serve the entire morning at church so I am never free to go to worship- I long, hunger for worship.) I also feel like a failure in so many other areas of life- finances, wife, maintaining a personal relationship with God.There are so many decisions I make that endanger or hurt my family. Many of my decisions also hurt my spiritual health as well. Despite how many times I try to start over and improve, I fail. I know I can't do this alone, however, I end up going my own way before too long.
This is not meant to be a pity party or beat myself up session, but simply an acknowledgement that I am a person who struggles daily- even minute by minute- to walk according to God's Will. I am very weak and without my Savior, I would be hopeless. I am so thankful that I bask in God's Grace. It is not because I am married to a wonderful, Godly man nor that I am ministry leader for two ministries or have college degrees or anything else I have done in my life. It is simply because God loves me. Loves me enough to sacrifice His Son for my sins and shortcomings. I am thankful that God's grace is more than enough for me, the sinner and screw-up. I am thankful that God's power can be made perfect as He helps me in all of my many weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Menu Planning Monday

This week is a little less hectic than last week. Thank goodness! So I am back with a menu this week.
All of the breakfasts will be cereal bars or frozen tea biscuits.
All of the lunches will be sandwiches- turkey or PBandJs.
Dinners:
Monday- Chicken Stir-fry and pineapple slices.
Tuesday- Pork Tenderloin (cooked and frozen earlier)
Wednesday- Eat at church
Thursday- leftovers
Friday- Grill hamburgers, potato salad, chips and make your own ice cream sundaes
(Get together with other elders and their families planned- If Dana is still sick, we will do a frozen pizza and popcorn with just family.)
Saturday- Chicken Nuggets and tater tots and vegetables
Sunday- Pizza at church or sandwiches at home.

I am very pleased with the One Trip to the Store-Cook for a Year cookbook. I am looking into freezer meals via www.frugalmom.net
I really liked being able to pull out a meal from the freezer after babies' births. I hope that I can organize myself enough to cook ahead and freeze meals.
There are more meals for the week at www.organizedjunkie.com