Basking in Grace

One Thousand Gifts

2011-03-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

My Gratitudetuesays have now become my One Thousand Gifts. My count is being mostly recorded in a special journal now simply because I have been not well for almost two months. It has been easier to just record with pen and paper as they happen. I am not going back to count the times I recorded manna moments in Gratitude Tuesdays (although not always on a Tuesday). I am starting fresh at one. God is a good provider. He provides in mysterious and wonderful ways for me and for my family. My manna moments are mine. They may not resemble anything anyone else discovers. My manna moments may not be poetic or seemingly important in the scheme of things, but they are exactly what God provided for me in that moment to bring me grace, thanksgiving and joy. Living a life of Eucharisteo is important, especially important to me right now. It is the thing that helps keep me God focused and not self-focused. This part of my journey may seem hard but it may be the easier part of the journey. I don't know what is ahead of me. Each day brings along some challenge or struggle, but finding and naming the gifts-Eucharisteo-is a balm to my often restless, impatient and yes, ungrateful spirit. Eucharisteo in both the "easy" and in the "hard" times is important. Giving thanks then receiving the gift and living the joy even in the hard times is so critical. I am not sure how anyone can endure real suffering without returning thanks to God for it all. Faith that He has it all in control and will use this hard time for my good! It has to be with Eucharisteo! Just as Jesus gave thanks before using the little boy's lunch to feed thousands and then the gift, the miracle and the joy that follows and more thanksgiving. Just as Jesus gave thanks before breaking bread in the Last Supper leading to His death. How hard of a spot to be in, but the miracle that followed and the joy that I can have in knowing that life with Him- His grace, love, forgiveness- He alone is the reason that I can give thanks in all things here and in all things that are to come. I have the hope of communing with Him for all eternity. Until then there is the joy and the expectation of finding Him daily in the little gifts of life and communing with Him daily with thanksgiving and love. My one thousand gifts list will continue on paper but also as time allows I will record some of them here as well starting with the next journal number.

111. God's gift of a Savior
112. Hope of life with Him
113. Rainy days
114. Green grass
115. Puddles to splash in
116. Folded laundry
117. Starch
118. Ironed collars and creased sleeves
119. A happy first grader
120. School girl friendship struggles
121. Phone chats with friends dating to B.C. - what a huge blessing!
122. Jello with no fruit
123. Heading a pillow soceer ball into the sink of dirty dishes
124. Cars and PBS Kids Go!
125. Healing of all- body, mind and spirit

My Wilderness Confession

2011-03-09T05:28:00.000-08:00

4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:4-9 The Messsage

The Lord has been dealing with me concerning my obedience and lack of dependence on Him in all things for a long time. Unfortunately, I am much like the Israelites, hard-headed, blind, too self-focused which lead to more rebellion and self-delusion that I am alright. Like the Israelites, God has taken me from my Egypt where I was quite comfortable although a slave to the activities and expectations (put there by me mostly) that kept me from enjoying being God's precious treasure. (Exodus 19:5) Now that I am in the wilderness, away from the things that gave me seemingly purpose and value, away from the comfortable climate, attitudes, values, accent, food... everything Southern! I am not comfortable. It is just stinkin' hard at times. The wilderness is hard and uncomfortable because it is exposing all those weaknesses, self-sufficiency, lack of trust, etc. that I always pushed aside to deal with later. God started me on this wilderness journey while I was back in the South, so this is not a totally Northern journey. He has just moved my physical location and I believe, has moved me away from some of the activities I was so passionate about so I could refocus on Him, His will for me and His provision alone. Like the Israelites, I can do really well for a while, reading, praying, memorizing, keeping my mind parked on things that are right, true, praiseworthy, etc. I feel at bit more at peace. But then something is said or done that brings back worry, anxiety, whispers of failure, loneliness, inadequacy, and it spirals back to my grumbling and whining to myself. Just like the Israelites in Exodus 14 among other places, I rebel. I purposefully avoid going to scripture, trying to memorize, my prayers or thoughts are more on the order of "Poor pitiful me! I don't have any value or purpose other than to clean toliets, make food, wash and iron, referee squabbles, etc. I have no friends. No one calls me to check on me- People here are so different- How will I ever find friends?! I have failed and lost out as a mommy - Why can't I find motivation to follow thru with anything- I am so lazy!". On and on the laments go, whining and complaining. I know it is wrong, but I get stuck in the tirade against myself and my situation. I might as well say that God has brought me to the North, away from children's ministry and all that I hold dear and comfortable to just waste away in boredom and self-pity. Maybe I should pray for Dana to get another job back South? That is when I fall down like Aaron and Moses and speak some sense. Stop being so self-focused and become all God-focused, Girl!!! Focusing on me and my weaknesses, my abilities, my feelings, being self-focused, I begin to rebel. I am not focusing on Truth, on God, but on the lies and me.Here is the Truth: My family and I have been led through a land that is full of milk and honey- God has provided a good job for Dana- He answered prayers fervantly prayed. How can I throw that back at God? He is good and our Provider! He knows the very path we will travel and for travel for good reason. (Proverbs 3:5-9, Jeremiah 29:11-13) I realize that I am merely afraid. Again afraid indicates I am focusing on me and my abilties or rather inabilities. 29 Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30 The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the wilderness. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Deuteronomy 1:29-31 NIV Being afraid is relying on myself, not on God to lead me and provide for me. Unlike the Israelites, I want to trust God in this journey. I want to be thankful for the manna that He provides daily. God is good! God is going to fight for me and with Me. He will fill in all my gaps as a mom and wife. He will give me strength to face each day anew and fresh. God is all I need for today, tomorrow, for all of my needs.

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habukkuk 3:17-19 NIV

So my wilderness lesson right now is to be thankful in all things- Jesus is Near!! When worry comes into my mind, replace it with prayer and finding Eucharisteo! Record the manna moments. God is near. He is providing for me and my family. He will deliver us to a place that is best for us! Don't park my mind on me- so much of that is going to be used by Satan to discourage me- it is not true or praiseworthy to just name a few of the issues with those thought processes. Focusing on that God has it all in control and is working behind the scenes for the good of me and my family. It just may not be the easiest of journeys.
Satan will use the feelings loneliness, discouragement, disappointment and doubt to derail me. If I don't dwell on these feelings(the lies) but on the truth that God has something bigger and better in store for me and my family if I simply wait, trust and am obedient to Him then He will reveal a far greater mission for my life and for my famliy's. Our promiseland is at the end of this journey.
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 NIV

Surrendering, Stronger, Joyful

2011-02-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

What if I could be courageous enough to act and react like a complete person - a Jesus girl who has His joy in her, sustaining her, and directing her?

I am full aware that much of what I am going through is nothing compared to what many endure in this life. I have it so good. I still deal with many fears. Many of my expectations are not met in this life and that causes me great stress- Did I ever mention that I like to have things planned out, controlled and no inconveniences? Some of my expectations are not met because of my own failings, my own sin, my own willfulness. I am learning to extend myself some grace and let go- to surrender- lift my hands to God to pull me out of the danger and threatening situations. He is in total control. He has orchestrated my life and the the life of my family to be in these circumstances and environment. He does work all things for His good and for my good. His ways are higher than mine - He does infinitely more than I could ever imagine. I could go on and on with all of the truths I know about God being in control and for my need to rest and trust in Him alone. Give myself some grace and just surrender to Him. Rest in Him. Stay close to Him. All that I have encountered in my life and in the recent years has been for a reason. I am where I am for a reason. I know that I need to focus on being mom and wife and to wait and trust Him for direction in other endeavors. He is in control, He will direct my steps each day-each hour, minute and second. But I must surrender it all to Him and allow Him to use me for His glory and purposes. In return I get to see God in action, my kids and others get to see and experience His love, grace and provision as well. I am changed - hopefully, even ruined for good. I will be made stronger, better, more complete in Him. I will be that Jesus girl I so want to be- acting and reacting full of joy, sustained and guided by my LORD.

Snow, Sunshine and Grass

2011-02-17T15:34:00.000-08:00

I have described the ever present snow as God's grace that quietly and gently falls on us each day. It silently and often unbeknownst to us it covers us. In the midst of a white snow covered world, the sun comes out and shines so bright and crisp off of the snow. It is such a contrast to the mostly gray days that you have to notice it and just enjoy its warmth. I have described the sun as God's glory and majesty- His great power! His glory, majesty and power are something to behold and not easily ignored. It is a stark contrast to the bleakness and darkness of a life lived in sin or apathy of right living. Focus on the trials and struggles of this world can also lead to a pretty bleak and gloomy outlook. God's glory, majesty and power is amazing, warm, awesome. It gives one a sense of warmth, comfort, hope and brightness that there is more to our existence than the dull, gloomy, and bleak toils and struggles of living life here. We have a hope of life in the eternal light and warmth of God in heaven!
But as the snow melts and becomes stained with car exhaust, I am reminded that we can forget that God has given us grace. We take it all for granted. Sometimes we need a renewing of our minds and hearts. Worship, study, prayer, resting, trusting, serving are all ways to renew ourselves. When we are renewed, hopefully, daily, then we can appreciate the snow. Enjoying the renewing process is like seeing the green grass after so long covered, it gives us a reminder that the Creator is busy and at work in our lives just as He is in the creation and the changes of seasons. His glory and majesty are a displayed again in a vibrant way. God is good and God is great! I am thankful for the quiet snow falls, ever impressed by the warm and bright sun, and thrilled for the soft green grass.

Soul Tired

2011-02-17T15:02:00.000-08:00

Soul tired- how that term resonated with me this week! That word is the perfect word to describe how I have felt for so long- tired from the inside out. This condition did not occur overnight. No, ma'am! This condition has been coming on for a few years now. I remember sitting in Pastor Mike's office about 2 years ago and him expressing some concern about potential burn-out. I assured him that I had been there and done that and well knew the symptoms, yet I did nothing significant to prevent burn out from overtaking me. I kept right on going and doing all that I could for Kidsville and its little ones and the mommies in MOPS. I was good, I told myself and everyone, I get to worship with the little ones, I have my study prep I did for the Bible studies I was leading along with the ministries' preps. I even led a study about rest as a spiritual discipline. Oh, yes, I was not going to burn out! No, siree!! But when the trials and stresses of Dana's job came - almost like a wreck you saw coming but denied it was going to happen- until.... Well, it became more difficult to stay focused and to keep going. I knew God was going to use this season in life to work on me because I was out of whack- no balance and most of all soul tired. No worship, no significant and intentional time with God, no prayer except the 911 issues that come as a mom, wife and minister. But there is another cause of soul tired. That would be Satan. I am confident that he is so pleased when I or anyone else for that matter focuses on themselves and their circumstances instead of focusing and relying on God. He is going to make sure that I am soul tired and continue to keep my attention on the negatives and other difficult issues. It becomes a cycle- negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts and feelings which zaps one of joy, peace, thanksgiving, looking upward, hope, kindness and then the guilt and wondering "what is wrong with me?!" sets in and more negative feelings ensue! So I end up soul tired!
I know the cure, the treatment, the remedy for this and that is simply choosing to surrender it all to God and make a choice of staying as close to Him as possible.
Psalms 63:1 O, God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water. If I would intentionally spend time with God in the Word and in prayer much of my soul tired condition would be healed. By getting closer to Him, I also know that my focus would change. My thoughts would be dwelling on the positives in life and not the negatives. I would be more positive in my thoughts, words, more energy and enthusiasm. I know full well that God is with me and in control. He is directing my paths, His plans for me are already laid out. I simply must trust- must surrender my fears, my control, my insecurities, my will for Him and His will for myself and for my family. This is not a terminal illness unless I allow this soul tired condition to be the only thing I live for. This is just a viral type condition. With the proper rest (abiding and resting in God alone), and with a prescription of prayer, reading, memorization and obedience I can make a full recovery quickly. I alreay am feeling a bit better.

Focus

2011-01-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

Moving to Ohio has been a challenge for our family. For me personally, I have left the comfortable and known life of the South and of life in Milledgeville behind. While it was not a perfect place and I would have and still would love to be closer to my family, it was a known entity and comfortable. I am far from being comfortable and at home here but it has only been about a month and it has been so cold of late that I could almost be a hermit in order to stay warm.
While we have said all along that God has plans for us here, it is hard to be patient for them to be revealed. Yet, I look back and am reminded that even in the transition time I have felt I know a bit of God's plan, at least for me. For some time, I have felt the need to delegate or relinquish some of my responsiblities of the ministries I led to better focus on my own family. I did do some of this but not near what I probably needed to do. Also, I need to trust God in all things. Easy to say but so hard to do. God has His own plans for Dana and the children, but for me my valley has been letting go of a lot of independence, self-sufficiency and identity and control issues. God has been with me all the way and provided for my every need. The time that we were separated as a family and I was coming to terms with my own sin issues was actually bittersweet. The time I spent in prayer, journaling and reading was wonderful. I felt God beside me yet I was grieving and still struggling. These issues are still present. It is kind of like an addiction. The tendency is there, but I am more conscious of the triggers and the symptoms or characteristics so I am just more are and sensitive to it all.
I love that my family is together and I really believe Ohio will be okay to live in, once I get used to the cold and snow. Snow is not all that it is made out to be.....
Of late I have felt pretty down about things for me personally. I miss my home and so want it to sell. Please Lord, provide a buyer quickly. I am nervous about eventually buying here after we sell in Georgia because I am nervous about Dana's job security and the sale of a home in Ohio. Not at a peace or maybe it is that lack of trust. I am lost most days. I know of house work that needs or should be done, yet I have no desire or motivation to do it. Forrest needs someone to play with him and to teach him a bit. So sadly, I lack the energy or desire to even do this. Finally, I have time to scrapbook! But the desire and energy are not there. I am involved in a Bible Study. This is the one highlight of my week. I haven't really made any friends or connected yet. However, I do feel some peace and serenity here. The other activities including the church we are attending, I don't feel peace about at all. I still feel lost and homeless. One of the things I know is that my personal time with God needs and should be renewed quickly. I need uninterrupted time with God to keep my eyes and heart on Him. I will never hear His call for my life here in Ohio unless I get close enough and tuned in well enough to hear. I need to be in a praise and gratitude mind set. Instead of naming my disappointments and focusing on the things I don't have, I need to be counting my blessings. Remembering that one of the reasons I believe I am here in Ohio is to focus on my two kids and my husband. I need to reconnect with them. For so many years, I have talked a good game about being a good wife and mommy, yet my family probably wouldn't agree that I was one. I have become grumpy, impatient, unhappy and business like with my little ones. Seeing me smile is a rarity that they notice and comment on. Why is that? I don't enjoy being mommy and haven't in a long while. They are loved deeply but I have viewed them as interruuptions and bothersome details in my life of ministry. I need to focus on being there physically, emotionally and mentally for my family. I need to take care of getting healthy spiritually before all the other parts fall into place properly. Mary Louise in particular needs a good mommy role model. She also needs a safe haven to come home to after a long and challenging school day. Snippy and distracted, grumpy and impatient mommy in cluttered house is not it!
While I know for certain that God has called me to Children's Ministry and I love it! I don't miss the details and the volunteer shortage issues that happen each week. I miss the kids and I really miss the team members I got to serve with. I miss so much of CM, but I don't miss it at all. That doesn't make a lot of sense, I know. I have long needed a break even if it was in delegating some of the many tasks. So much of the weekly prep work happened solely because of me. I don't say that to praise me, just the opposite. That was one of my sin struggles. First,God was left out of the ministry. I totally relied on my physical and mental abilities to handle it all. Secondly,I wouldn't train up the team members and bless them with the opportunities to do a lot of things they could have done to help. I did a lot of physical work, but God did all of the spiritual stuff for the kids, families and staff totally without me. I was selfish in the service and it came at a great cost to me spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. My family also paid a great cost. Lesson learned is balance is critical. Balance in family and ministry and balance in public and private time with God. What does God want of me in Children's Ministry now? I don't know. I do know He has something prepared for me. He has not given me the experiences and opportunities at NCC to not go on somehow in CM at some point. I am watching, waiting and praying for the right time and right work for Him.
In the past weeks, I have felt lost and alone. While God did provide some contacts here for me, I don't have and honestly, didn't have in Milledgeville, the girlfriends factor. I had some ladies that I could call and chat with while the kids played at Chic-Fil-A. There were some ladies that would call me for advice or some sort of help. I had lots of people that I saw and talked with weekly at church. But someone to bear my soul to? Nope, there wasn't anyone I could talk with about Dana's job and stresses with it, the struggles I faced in CM and home and child-rearing or even the lack of shopping options or a good recipe. I was in a crowd but often very lonely. So why is it so hard now to feel lonely? Maybe because no one is calling me anymore about anything and I don't have those familiar faces to check in on each week. I find that my bloggy friends are the largest comfort yet again to me. I just wish for one good friend to do life with here.
Again, I need to focus on God and His call for my life right now... That is to focus on making my home a safe haven for my stressed husband and for my daughter; to focus on giving my son some fun and intentional learning experiences; to focus on managing home and household in a godly and right way; to wait patiently on God and the revealing of any other purpose for my life, particularly in regard to Children's Ministry; to simply trust God in ALL things; to get myself back in shape physically, mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually which means time intentionally spent with Him in reading, journaling, memorization and prayer. It can not depend on how well connected I feel to a certain church, girlfriend or dwelling place. It must depend totally on my focus on God as the provider of all things and healer, comforter and sufficiency in my life. God is great - God is good- I need to live like I really believe it. Focus! Focus!

Tough Week

2011-01-20T18:21:00.000-08:00

This has been a tough week for me personally. I have felt so lost and out of place and out of sorts. In the past month, I have given up my house that I love and the nice appliances that make life more convenient. The things I did like Children's Ministry I have given up and but more importantly, I have been stripped of anything that resembles a purpose. I have had a really hard time getting into a routine and finding joy in housekeeping and just being home all day. Groceries are expensive. I am concerned about the cost of living here - the gas heat is on a lot and gasoline and food is expensive. We no longer buy OJ because it is about $4/gallon. Ouch! I feel a bit cut off from people. Like I have been dropped here and am all alone I am cold and the snow has finally started getting old to me. I don't find the snow fun. It is pretty but after a while all of the white and the gray gets old. Maybe it is seasonal emotional disorder or depression or cabin fever. Plus I have had a sore throat and not felt super. Simply put, I haven't been very happy this week. A pity party of sorts perhaps. But honestly, I have really struggled. I am trying so hard to be positive and patient. But at the same time, my feelings are just the opposite.
Then I am confronted in my Crazy Love Bible study about the greatness - a word that is not sufficient- of my God. I am reminded that this life is not about me. My life is not about me. It is all about God. God is using the present circumstances for His glory. He is going to use this sad and frustrating time to show me and others how He continues to provide and will use me for His glory.
I am also reminded that the mundane things like laundry, dusting, scooping litter and playing Legos is important and God is using me for His purposes in those things. I need to remember to praise Him and honor Him in all of those things.
There is so much more I want to describe, but for now I will leave it with the video from Chris Tomlin.

Gratituesday

2010-12-07T17:34:00.000-08:00

It has been a good day but a hard day. I know that I don't really have to pack boxes, but doing so gives me a little control over things right now. It is something tangible and real. It also gives me a chance to realize that we are really leaving our little house on the pond, our church and the safety of things known and comfortable. But God is not calling us to be comfortable right now. A verse that I was given not to long ago is:

²⁰ You will be like the person who tried to sleep
       on a bed that was too short
    and with a blanket that was too narrow
       to wrap around himself. (Isaiah 28:20, New Century Version)

This is what I feel like right now. Someone trying to sleep on a bed that is just too short for them. I sometimes have to lie down with little man on his small youth bed. If I do fall asleep, I usually wake up with a crick in my neck or stiff in the legs from being scrunched on the too small bed. It is just not comfortable and a good rest is hard to get in that bed situation.
Now the covers are a big deal to me. If I am cold, I need to be covered with lots of warm blankets, but if it is too much I get overheated and wake up sweating. Not enough covers, even in the summer, is not a good thing either. I need just the right amount of covers. I used to travel with a blanket so if I got cold I could cover up. The problem was that the blanket was really too small to do much good. A sweater would have been just as good. When I am tired and cold, I want comfort for sweet, restful, peaceful time of being.
Right now, my life feels like a too short bed. As much as I try to rest and turn this way and that, I find that I am scrunched for time, patience, peace, good feelings - generally a peace and happiness. My days are sometimes filled with my pains in the neck and sick feelings in my stomach than anything else. As much as I would like to curl up under the shelter of a nice and cuddly blanket that fully covers me and my family, I seem to feel lots of drafts - emptiness, gaps. Primarily caused by worry, anxiety, stress, - realization of sin and lack of dependance on God.
Yep, I am in a time right now where my bed is too short and the blanket just doesn't seem to be enough. I do know this though, God is near. He has never left me. I may have - did - move away from Him, but He has always been near me. God has us on this short bed for a reason. I don't fully understand why, but He has us there for now and with a small blanket. He has the blanket that fully covers us though. He has grace, mercy and salvation. For now, I need to continue to find things to praise Him for, to thank Him for. It is with the perspective that things could be worse, at least we don't..... that help me through the days. Naming my manna - my blessings and surrounding myself and filling my thoughts with things that pure, lovely, true, praiseworthy and excellent help.
This has been a hard day but a good day. Boxes packed- I have way too many clothes! We have way too much stuff in general. I am overwhelmed by it all - focus on true, lovely, praiseworthy.... I have lots to do - lots I really don't want to face but glad that at the same time.

1. A job that provides income
2. A little rental house
3. A realtor- I count as a new friend
4. New friends to meet
5. New opportunities
6. The little house on the pond
7. Heat
8. Boxes to pack in
9. Nice clothes to pack
10. Memories
11. New adventures
12. Snow
13 Mid- 40s
14. Hubby that misses us
15. Kitties 3
16. Tears
17. Old friends
18. Opportunities past
19. Comfortable life situations
20. Repentance
21. Dependance on God
22. God's faithfulness
23. God's grace
24. Mercy
25. Salvation paid at a great price
26. Holiday lights
27. Holiday music
28. Kids' anticipation of Christmas
29. God is my portion
30. A new day- a do over
31. Comfortable bed
32. Warm blankets
33. A few hours of sleep
34. Hope
35. Peace
36. Joy
37. A Christmas Elf
38. Warm coffee
39. Cold Dr. Pepper
40. Children 2

God Is In Control

2010-12-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

I am reminded that while my storms of life seem huge and scary, there are so many others that would trade places with me. I am thankful for good health for all of us, for a job, for family and friends that are concerned, for opportunities past and present and to come- for a God who is in control the whole time and never leaves my side- I just need to stay aware that He is there. My storms are still my storms and scary to me I just need to trust God and allow Him to sustain me through it all. There are many that sing this song, but I like Matt Redman so turn down the playlist at the bottom of this page and remember that God will carry me and you through our individual scary storms of life. We don't need to be afraid.

Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I’m caught
In the middle
Of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light
That is coming
For the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end
To these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

I can see a light
That is coming
For the heart that holds on
And there will be an end
To these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You
Still I will praise You

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
You never let go of me

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
You never let go of me

God Has It All Planned Out

2010-12-03T12:56:00.000-08:00

Is there a reason I don't fully understand for why my house has not sold? Yes, the economy in general and in particular this area of Georgia have been very hard hit by the economy. Yes, God may be teaching me to let go and trust Him. I don't know. I do know this... God answered prayers about providing a job for Dana when things at the Georgia company looked pretty bleak and no future for him there. God provided people for me to connect with in the Ohio community we are moving to. God provides. Maybe we misread God's intention for us to go to Ohio. We, especially Dana, prayed about it and felt like it was the right thing. I did have some uneasy feelings but who looks forward to selling a house in a bad economy- My simple brain and outlook on world events even recognized the reality of bad timing for house sales. I didn't and don't look forward to moving a long distance with two kids and three cats at Christmas time. So I had a less than peaceful feel for the whole thing. Maybe that was God poking me...I don't know. What I do know is that over the last couple of months, I have had to stand on my own as a mom and not so great at a single parent thing--- appreciate Dana even more. I know that I have spent a lot of time coming to grips with my major weaknesses and failures and trying to reconnect to God and what He wants for me. I do know that I have given up or will completely give up a ton of responsibility at church and the kids' schools and will have the time I need to really refocus on my relationship with God. It has so suffered over the years- Looking good and sounding good to the casual observer but to my God and I know the truth. I will have time to refocus on my hubby and give him the time and attention he deserves and my children. Well, they are my first priority in children's ministry. They need a mom who is not stressed out, busy, distracted and otherwise consumed with ministry and other duties. They need mom - who cooks, keeps a much tidier house, scrapbooks their memories, reads to them again and just laughs again. This move has provided these opportunities. To bring me back to where I should have been all along- closer to my God, my hubby and my kids- following God's calling and will for me as a daughter of His.
What I don't know is how my learning to trust God fully is going to play out. Since Dana has been working in Ohio, he has been so overwhelmed and frustrated. A lot of that comes from just starting a new job with a new company and it didn't help he was up there alone. Now he has started to get a handle on some things but he has repeatedly said he felt frustrated and a bit paranoid. He hasn't felt like he has been pleasing or living up to what his boss wants. He gets little feedback even on the accomplishments- Some of it is this guy's management style and personality but still Dana has felt less than successful and that he may not "make it". During a business trip with this fellow, Dana is even more certain - less paranoid - more sure that he is not making his boss happy. It is actually mutual- a bit of a disappointment for Dana. While he doesn't think he is fired in the immediate future, there may not be a long term future for us in Ohio. So the question comes back to is this the reason our house is not selling? So we have place to return when things end? Is this one more test to see how much I will trust God with all of this? I will admit, I have thought if he is fired - do it now before we all go- but then I think about the rent we have committed to and I know how much we have in savings. -- We need to keep this job for at least 6 months. I really do not have an issue with moving up there. I am actually looking forward to it- just not the drive and moving out/in part. I think I need this time of no committments except to God and family. Perhaps even Dana needs to focus on God, family and of course, work. I don't know what the future holds for us. I do know that God wants me to trust Him totally - completely- fully and to do so with joy- peace. I am not there yet, but I will say that I surprised myself that when Dana told me this today that for a brief and very brief second, I did feel that sinking feeling. However, I really feel okay- a bit reenergized about moving- I will not let Satan use this to defeat me or to defeat my family. Dana needs some encouragement- He needs to feel some accomplishment or hope that this job is going to be okay for longer than a few months. Satan will not use this to sideswipe us and leave us doubting or in despair. My God is bigger than all of this - God is our God forever and ever to the end. He wants to be our Guide, to lead us each step of the way into His perfect Will for us. I will not be defeated and will stand in the Light- trusting God all the way.
I love Jeremeiah 29:10-14. I will use the Message version here. It starts with God's words, "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and NOT A DAY BEFORE, I'll show up and take care of you as I PROMISED and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to TAKE CARE OF YOU, NOT ABANDON YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU THE FUTURE YOU HOPE FOR. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen, When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, WHEN YOU GET SERIOUS ABOUT FINDING ME AND WANT IT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you, I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you - bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it."
Now don't get the idea that I feel like we have been sent into exile or that God is going to bring us back to this one spot. But God has a plan - it is His perfect plan for us- He will carry it out in HIS timing- not my timing- not my plan. His plan will not hurt us - it may not be comfortable or pleasant or easy in the process but His plan is not going to lead us to destruction or danger- He is with us all the way-My plans or desires need to be aligned with God's for me and my family. The only way that will happen is when I am sitting at His feet, talking to Him and leaning on Him no matter what. He will lead us to where we need to be and to do what He wants for us. Right now we are in a place of unreast, unsure of what tomorrow holds- but we can count on God to not leave us there but to bring us back to a place where we are confident that God is in control and that we are doing what He wants-

Home Is Where the Heart Is

2010-12-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

As the time comes to a rapid end of our life here in Milledgeville, my heart rate quickens and my blood pressure must rise to a great high. I feel the pressure and weight of all the many tasks still at hand. All of the things I knew should be done, but I had time didn't I? There is no rush... Well, now there is a rush... I still just don't want to really do it all though.
It isn't that I don't want to go to Ohio. I look forward to the adventure there. Yes, it will be cold. We are blessed with clothes to wear. It isn't that I don't think my kids will be happy. They will experience the separation from things and people familiar but my kids are confident kids, always friendly and talkative. They will be great! This will even be a good thing. It is so easy to become complacent and take for granted what you have. This move will be a good lesson for all of us. Leaving a ministry that I have nurtured and lived with for about eight years will be hard, but not really that hard. The children's ministry belongs to God. I was entrusted with its leadership- a huge blessing and opportunity I am forever grateful for. But I leave this ministry in good hands. I will greatly miss the people I have served with for so long. They have been huge blessings to me and to my own kids. But they will continue to serve and bless more kids and they don't need me to do that. I, too, will eventually find where God wants me to serve kids and their families. I have no doubt that is my calling but I don't know what it will look like in Ohio.
I am not afraid or concerned about living in a smaller house- we have a basement for storage and some play area. Less to clean! I am not worried about finding my own contacts - already provided and my bloggy friends are still a screen away. I am not concerned about schooling or even a church home. Schools are great, little man will be okay with me for a few months, and a church will be found. So what is making my heart race? It is my home here- The house that I love, not because of its up-to-date in the late 80s counter tops, light and water fixtures, not because of its huge open floor plan. A bit under 2000 sq ft and not so open by today's plans but a good entertaining home. I love this house because this is house God provided when we moved here almost 10 years ago. I love this house because of the beautiful pond and wildlife in my backyard. I have an amazing yard! I love it because it is in a great neighborhood with Halloween traditions, Christmas luminaries, and occassional summer activities as a neighborhood. All with friendly people who will stop their walk to chat for a minute about the kids. We may not each others names but we are aware of each other's presence and what is happening on the surface as we drive or walk by each house. I love my house because this is where my little ones were brought home and learned to walk, talk, and ride a trike! This is where we have celebrated birthdays, Christmas, and summer days. This has been the place my heart and the hearts of my family have loved with each heartbeat. This has been home! Now I face the reality that I am leaving home in a few weeks and my home will be left without a heart. I have prayed for a buyer for this little house. Someone to just love it and to love in it. Someone to be its heart. For whatever reason, God has not provided that person yet. So my heart beats a little more rapidly when I think about closing the door and locking it for the last time as I move all that I love 550 miles away. I am sure that God will provide a buyer, the ability to have mortgage and rent payments made, my family will transition fine and that He knows my heart. He has much in store for us. I simply must love Him, my family and trust. My heart and the hearts of my family will love each other and love God with each heartbeat. We will be together again under one roof, just not in the "house on the pond" but in the "little rental house in the snow".

I am thankful for:
1. the house on the pond
2. the little rental house in the snow
3. God's provision of a house
4. warm clothes
5. adventures
6. new experiences
7. bloggy friends
8. new friends
9. confident kids
10. provision of a job
11. provision for all our needs
12. God's grace
13. God's compassion
14. God's concern
15. opportunity to serve
16. those that served us
17. new service opportunities
18. new church family
19. friendly neighbors
20. memories
21. new memories to come
22. all things 80s
23. room to entertain and to love
24. the pond
25. wood ducks, turtles, herons, geese, fish, deer galore
26. laughter
27. trike and scooter rides on leaf roads
28. hide and seek among the pines and azaleas
29. quiet and not so quiet afternoons in the sun
30. Christmaas mornings
31. pancakes on Saturdays
32. bringing home babies
33. the family to come soon
34. the hearts that beat
35. the one my heart beats the fastest for the last 19 years
36. the one who created each heart beat
37. home where ever the hearts beat

Over Doing It All

2010-11-23T06:38:00.000-08:00

I have the tendency to over do most things- I will over do what really needs to be done for a party or event and often will do it all by myself because I know exactly what I want and I am the only one who can do it! I over do and over extend myself way more often than not. I have been known, mostly by the waistband of my pants and skirts, to over do the food at a party or holiday event. Thanksgiving is one of the holidays that provide me the opportunity to eat way more than I need to at one sitting. Then there is the overdoing it on shopping. I am a recovering shopaholic. I used to shop til I dropped - not kidding. I would shop the before Christmas sales, the after Christmas sales and the Christmas in July sales. I love shopping but there are consequences to pay, literally with all the shopping. Luckily, I have not found myself in dire physical or fiscal problems yet, but that is only because of God's protection and provision. Lysa TerKeurst is one of my absolutely favorite people. No, I have yet to meet her, but she knows me so well because she writes books and blogs that are specifically for me. Her newest book is to be released in January. I am so excited. It gives me something to look forward to when I get to Ohio and slow down to digest everything. While this book is primarily focused on overdoing it with food, I am confident the principles could be applied toward money, relationships with others, technology,etc. Anything that replaces God as your comfort, provider, or focus on life and worship. I do need to lose some 40 pounds. With this book and the opportunity to exercise at a supposedly great Fitness Center in Ohio, I will do it with God's help. But I also know that shopping is a temptation for comfort. It gives me a sense of empowerment. I am looking forward to applying the principles to my wallet as well. Now the other thing that is brought to my mind as I have been looking forward to this book is this. I am known for overdoing it with lots of things in my life- But do I over do it with my relationship with God? Do I over do it with reading and meditating on God's Word? Do over do it with prayer? Serving? Giving to others? What is that God has designed me to Crave? Cheesecake? A new pair of boots? Or is it time with Him- sitting still and listening to Him as He provides Comfort and Direction for my life?
I believe I was made to crave more than amaretto cheesecake and new leather boots. I was made to crave a relationship with my Lord and Savior. Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll! Enjoy the cheesecake and enjoy the preChristmas sales, but mostly enjoy some time with the people you love and with The Giver and Creator of All!

Lead Me

2010-11-01T19:52:00.001-07:00

I love this song. I am so thankful for a man that is willing to lead me and to lead my children. God was perfect in providing this amazing and amazingly hunky guy for my lifelong friend and partner. I could never have chosen anyone better for myself. His hand was in the forming of the friendship and mutual respect and admiration of one another. Then the ultimate realization that there was no one else that I even cared to spend time with other than this man. God provided me with a man who loves God more than anything else and who is very wise and wants to serve God. While he is not perfect and does make mistakes, he is growing and searching for God's guidance.
I am blessed as are our children.
Now he does ball up wet dishrags and leave them on the edge of the sink. He often pays more attention to Fox News than to what the kids are saying and doing. He often is in the van ready to go while I am carrying out armloads of stuff for the day. So he is a man. But what a man he is! He is a man of God! How I love him and miss him very much right now. I so need to be with him and have him walk with me, leading me and our children. God is good! I am thankful for my darling, amazing and incredibly hunky man of 18 years of marriage! I pray that God helps him in leading us. I pray that he knows he is not alone in this life - he has God and he has our love and appreciation for his leadership.

God Is In Control

2010-11-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today, my first born celebrated her seventh birthday! What a glorious day seven years ago when she was first put in my arms. Her birth was 12 years in coming to us. How we prayed, cried out in anguish with our empty arms and womb. We waited and began the adoption process when God allowed a minor medical issue to lead me to a OB/GYN that suggested something the specialist and other doctors didn't think would work with me. We took a chance and VIOLA! Here she is and so is her little brother. God answers prayers but it is in His timing. My plans are not always His plans. His plans are to help me, not to harm me. I know that but too often, I don't live that truth out. While I celebrate her birthday without my hunky hubby and fabulous father of my two little pumpkins, I am reminding myself of this truth. For I have prayed for my little "house on the pond" in Georgia to sell by November 1. November 1 has come and is now two hours short of being gone and not a single potential owner has stepped foot in my house. God is not ready for my house to be sold to another family. I don't know why exactly, but I would guess that maybe He is going to put me to the test to see if I will trust Him with this. If I will be obedient and faithful in the things He has been working on me with in the last few weeks. The pruning and reshaping has been bittersweet. While it is hard to face the ugly reality that I am so undeserving of His grace, forgiveness, compassion, love- just being allowed to call myself His daugher, I also have enjoyed the time we have spent together. I have been able to crawl up on His lap and just cry out to Him for forgiveness and guidance in starting again - making things right in my life. My rebellion and lack of trust in Him has been brought to light and now I am so trying to keep right by His side, in His safety and protection. So while my prayers are not answered and many of the other things that I think should happen may not happen in my timing, God is absolutely in control. I am going to try very hard not to be anxious- (I am the master at worrying, by the way.) But with His help, I will lay the worries, anxieties down at His feet and allow Him to handle it. With God's guidance, I will make the better choices and He will not lead me in a path of harm. God is faithful and enough for me this day and everyday - If I trust Him and Him alone.
Happy Birthday to my little pumpkin eater! God is so incredibly good! He answered my prayers in ways I could never imagine with her! He is amazingly and perfectly good to me! Thank you, God, for my little ones and for your amazing grace!!

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Isaiah 30:15-18:21
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’ Therefore, you will flee! You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’ Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill.” Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths straight.

So Much More.....

2010-10-19T04:25:00.000-07:00

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been that I have had time or the presence of mind to stop in and just ramble.
God has been good! For the past year, we have prayed for God's provision of a better job situation for hubby. God decided in August to answer not with "It is okay - things will better where you are" Nor did He get my memo about south of the Mason-Dixon. No, ma'am! He has been opening doors for a life in Ohio! The Cleveland area!!! We are trading in our Callaway Garden passes for Niagra Falls passes. We are that close for daytrips! This should be quite an adventure and a challenge for a southern girl who lives in her flip flops and crop pants. The kids are excited though! Snow! No school uniforms! A possible basement to play in! They are really excited! I would be more excited except I am quite worried about selling our beloved little house here in Georgia. Everyday someone has asked if we have had any interest and everyday I must say "No". Not one looker except the one fellow Dana hired before he left the company. We weren't what he wanted. He was very kind to endure a tour.
God has been taking some of this time with Dana being gone- Yes, he has been in Ohio since the early part of Sept. working and living in a little furnished apt. We see him every other weekend. But God has been working on my heart. It has been so hard and so necessary. I don't know that He is done with me yet or not. I will confess that I have not been obedient to Him and the consequences are hard.
I have really tried to dig into the Word and spend lots more time talking to Him. I have even arranged things or rather made it a priority to make it to worship every week. The children's ministry will have to get along without me soon enough. That is another chapter in this story. I have been so dry and am thirsty - longing for time with God. I am undeserving!
I will share some of the Word spoken to me- I can't explain my thoughts on it totally yet here but Psalms 25 and Isaiah 30:15-21;29. Especially verse 21 "This is the Way, Walk in it." It is amazing how many times God has put that verse in front of me in the last weeks. I am always amazed at how He uses others to do His teaching and prodding. These are just a few of the scriptures I have spent time with.
God has provided with a good candidate to take my place in Kidsville. I love kidmin. I don't know if that is where God will lead me in the future. I have a lot of maturing to do though. I am at peace in some aspects of leaving Kidsville and all the kids and my team behind. There is another mission field for me to work in up in Ohio. I am not certain where God is leading me. I will have lots to pray about and try to clearly discern what God is leading me to do there. I know it very well may not be in leadership as a kidmin but it isn't about leading. I just want to teach and help little ones and their families.
I have come to the understanding that while we hae been praying for provision in Dana's job and for our family. God was answering this prayer as "Yes, I will provide Dana with a new job (in Ohio) and I will provide your family with what is needed... a mommy that can be singularly focused on God and family again... at least for a season." I have been so wrapped up and out of kilter because of kidmin and MOPS that I ministered great to other kids and families but my own has been robbed. Oh, the difficulty in knowing that fully. God has asked me to be obedient to Him and to walk in faith. I am actually looking forward to curling up on my couch on a cold and snowy day in February under my warmest blankie with my hot chocolate and just spending time talking to God and reading more about what He wants me to know. I don't know if it will be in my own house or a rented house or small apartment. It won't matter. The ultimate goal is for my family to be together as one - healthy and content in our new life as Ohioians or whatever. God has been so good in so much so far. I will Trust and Obey Him! To Him I Surrender All! What an adventure that lies ahead of us. God is good although He does have a great sense of humor- Flip flops in snow?? Do they have grits up there? He will provide as always... Maybe Grit Trees are indigeneous to Ohio......

I am thankful for .....
1. a job in Ohio
2. a family that longs to be together
3. my friend who is willing to lead in kidmin
4. friends who come over at 6am to help with garage sales
5. a house to sell in Ga
6. a realator working for us in Ohio
7. amazing ways God provides for us.
8. bloggy friends -yet unmet in Ohio waiting to help us.
9. the adventure that lies ahead
10. God behind me whispering in my ear and heart
11. the hard stuff
12. the soft landings
13. grace beyond imagining
14. fall football
15. flip flops
16. crop pants
17. grits
18. Fed Ex for BBQ deliveries
19. hot chocolate
20. warm blankies
21. snowy days with God
22. happy kids
23. time with God
24. worship
25. hubby that loves and misses us
26. loving and missing hubby as much or more
27. opportunities provided to serve in kidmin
28. the opportunities ahead
29. a family to serve and minister
30. SO MUCH MORE......

God is Near- Rejoice!

2010-06-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Philippians 4:4-7 (New International Version)
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Rejoice in the Lord for He is near. Even in times of trouble and anxiety the Lord is near. Rejoice and with thanksgiving bring the Lord my troubles and trials. Rejoice for He is near and ready to handle it all for me. This is a time to feel His presence and to allow Him to shape me into the girl He wants me to be. He is near. He hears my requests and cries, even if I feel unworthy and undeserving. He is near. Feel His peace, His comfort, His presence in my life. He is near. I can not control anything and when things seem to be on the verge of collapse or even when everything is out of control in my life, He is near. He is in control of it all. I may not understand the plan or the reasons, but He is near and He is in control. He is near. Rejoice - Again, Rejoice in it all! Even when I don't feel like rejoicing, Rejoice, He is near!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (New International Version)
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

71. My incredibly amazing and hunky husband
72. A beautiful little girl full of laughter and love
73. An adorable little boy who loves his mommy very much
74. Three devoted felines, ever patient and loyal
75. The homey and comforting feeling generated by sun as it reflects in the afternoon on the fireplace mantle
76. The diamonds created on the pond by the same sun throughout the day
77. The wildlife enjoying food, water, shelter and the freedom to play provided by the pond and the trees in our backyard
78. Safe travels for our family
79. Hubby's job
80. Anticipation of reuniting with family in summer
81. Peace and Comfort in knowing God is near
82. Comfort of soft jammies and my bed
83. Praise and worship music by Kari Jobe and Travis Cottrell
84. Resolve in being the mom, wife and child of God only I can be
85. Peace in knowing that is what my ministry really is
86. Joy in starting a new Bible study in the book of Ruth
87. Quiet reading of Southern Sister novel by Anne George
88. Hearing amazing hubby call me incredibly beautful woman and children darling before good night
89. Knowing God is near and waiting on me to decide to be still and wait on Him
90. A passion/desire for children and family ministry despite not knowing where the passion/desire should lead me
91. For each of my struggles today - I give thanks
92. My inability to control and fix things for hubby
93. God's perfect ability to control and arrange things
94. For God's perfect will for me and my precious family
95. God's love, presence and comfort by staying near to us

First, Let Me.....

2010-06-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my Proverbs 31 Ministry devotional arrived in my inbox with Hold That Thought! as the title. I quickly scanned it and found as usual, but in a particularly strong way, it strike a chord within me. So, I printed it out with the intentions of reading it more intentionally and meditating on it later in the day- when all was quieter. At the time, one screaming baby and two rambunctious kiddos were afoot. Well, needless to say, my day quickly fell apart. At the end of the day, I had sent my first born off to her first church camp, soothed and comforted the little brother left behind, cared for a friend's newborn, picked up Co-op veges, dealt with many phone calls and computer scans that are brought on by a very nasty link sent to ALL of my contacts without my knowledge and definitely without my permission. Laundry still in the dryer, dishes in the dishwasher and sink and ministry emails unsent, devotional not read, meditated on and with the exception of a few prayers sprinted upward in the day as the chaos spilt out, time with God was again last on my list.
All that is said not because I wanted to share my crazy, harried day, but to give one snippet of the things that end up ahead of God in my life. You see, everyday I am dealing with laundry, dishes, menu, fussing, crying, needy children, some errand or other responsibility that screams for my attention and action. Everyday I end up telling God, "First, let me....then I will sit and talk to You. I will then let You talk to Me after I .....". This is exactly what Luanne Prater was talking about in her Proverbs 31 devotional. Putting God second, third, fourth, etc. on the list of things to do and He never gets to on the list.
Like a Good Bible Study Girl, I know better. I know what I need to do. But it is so stinking hard! I have quite a few things I need to change including, developing a new ability to say NO! to additional commitments no matter how good they seem to be. I need to trust others to do the jobs I have been doing. Pray for more leaders to take over some of the tasks I do. Basically, learn or execute some improved leadership skills. My priorities are upside down, inside out, backwards, twisted, out of proportions.
Am I surprised that I feel used up, dry, lost, desperate for God? God made us to need Him, to worship Him, to rely on Him for our every need. I am and have been trying to do everything on my own again and call on Him in my spare time for a that bonus time. Now I know that I can't just dump everything I am committed to or tell everyone who depends on me to deal with it. My kids and husband do need the Mommy around. But I can start by making some better choices by saying, "First, let me spend time with my Father God, then I will...... I will .......after God and I have our time together talking."
This morning as I debated getting up at 5:30am to have that time with God. (My lazy bones won. Hence, exercise and better bedtime hours are needed choices). I tuned into a station that shows nature scenes with scripture and soothing worship music. My eyes managed to focus on a verse that encouraged me to find yesterday's devotional right away.
Psalms 143:8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
What this verse tells me that first thing in the morning I need to sit down so that God can speak to me through His Word, the Bible. I need to be reminded first thing in the morning that God's love will never be taken away from me. He is faithful to provide what I need for the day if I seek Him first (Matt. 6:33),First thing in the morning to start my day off right. He will give me the strength and ability to accomplish what I should be focused on for that day. By seeking His Will for my day, He will show me what/who needs my attention for the day. I will more likely find the blessings or "manna" from heaven that I can be joyful and thankful for throughout the day. I will be able to recognize God's presence in my life and my kids and others wil likely be able to see God do some amazing things in the midst of doing life. I just need to give God my first moments of the day.
I long so for that comfort and reasurance that only God can give. Today's Proverbs 31Ministry devotional by Lysa TerKeurst showed up in my inbox with some thoughts about that. It goes hand in hand with yesterday's thoughts and the verse from Psalms 143. Read the whole Psalm 143 though first and well, God is speaking to me. It is great when I say, "First, let me read this in the Bible, then I will ....." Please don't be offended if I put you off till later in the day or the week or even say "No, I can't". You see, I NEED God to come first in my daily, crazy, harried, busy mommy/wife/ministry leader/etc. life.

Swagger Wagon

2010-05-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

This video has provided so much fun and amusement for us the last couple of weeks. It is so funny because it is so true on lots of different levels. I love the fact that I have a mini van filled with littles and their stuff. I love that hubby and I have progressed in life to raising littles. It is a ton of tiring work but wouldn't trade it in for anything. Now I can't sing or rap like these parents do but my kids do put up with my singing and think I am pretty neat most days.(They are little still). Now to get the dangling pacifier for my rearview mirror.

Plan B

2010-05-27T19:11:00.001-07:00

Pete Wilson, Christian blogger on WithoutWax and Senior Pastor at Crosspoint Church, just came out with his first book, Plan B.
I haven't read it yet, but these quotes shared by another blogger are worth thinking about and finding encouragement and hope in God's Word that He is in charge of all things.

"We are going to all get to that place where life hurts and our hearts are broken.
We are all going to find ourselves in the middle of a Plan B…  
 Being a Christian doesn’t change this reality at all.”

How do you reconcile two seemingly unmixable things--
on one side you have a God who is all loving all powerful and
on the other side, life that's full of disappointment, crisis and hurt?"

"We must be willing if necessary to abandon the life we planned and dreamed in order to receive the life that our God authored for us."

"Faith is saying I choose to believe in you, God, more than this or that tragedy."

"The choice of faith is the fundamental choice that changes everything in our Plan Bs because it changes who we become."

"The wall is the place where I must relinquish what I cling to for identity... Please understand, please prepare yourself because if you haven't come up against the wall yet, you will eventually."

When Everything Falls Apart

2010-05-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

Life hasn't always worked out the way I had it all planned. Plan B,C,D,E,F,.....Z are often employed. I know that God's ways and plans are better than mine. I know more often than I care to admit, that I interrupt His best plans for me, with my rebellion, disobedience and independent ways.
Right now, I am struggling with trusting Him totally. I can give a lot of lip service to trust in Him always in all things. But when it comes down to it. I don't think I do a good job with trust always in all. There is that nagging fear or worry that the shoe is going to drop, the inevitable is about to happen, the worst case scenario is about to become reality that haunts me. If I am being haunted or thinking on these things do I really trust? Can I trust or rather will I trust God when everything falls apart in my world? Will it be the end of the world if things become tough, not as I planned? If my happiness, peace, security in this world relies on my plans for life, I may be in for a large dose of grief. How do I focus on God's love and provision for me? He has never failed me in the past, even when my plans so miserably failed. I know what I should do, but I need the discipline and the desire to really do it before everything does fall apart.

More than a Good Bible Study Girl

2010-03-31T03:01:00.000-07:00

This book is an amazing book! I love Lysa' stories about the 80s and family living, but more importantly, she writes about the same issues and struggles I face in my daily walk with God. I, too, feel a lot of doubt about my relationship with God. How can I matter to Him? I am so much of a mess and a failure. Yet, Lysa helps redirect my study and thinking to God's Word. Through her writing, she challenges me to become more than a girl who has a stack of devotional books, attends/leads Bible studies, do a lot of church activities and have a completely checked off to do list. She challenges me to strive to live my faith rather than add to my resume of Good Bible Study Girl. A life with God is so much more than my check list!

Gratitude

2010-03-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you,God for being my portion for times of uncertainity and worry. Spending a day in prayer rather than worry and all the side effects of such thoughts was refreshing and rewarding. You are a great God!

66. Little Man reaching for my hand when we walk.
67. Hubby reaching for my arm or shoulder when we sleep.
68. Little Man saying, "Mommy, I want to be with you forever."
Oh, if only you would and could, My sweet little one.- Mommy sighs with tears.
69. The Isaelites journey in the Wilderness and the lessons I am uncovering from their trip.
70. Quitet time again to read, reflect and pray. - I am dry and thirsty.

Lord, be my portion today. Help me to see You, hear You and know You so I can follow hard after You today!

No One Else But Jesus

2010-03-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

Gratitude

2010-03-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

No matter what my reality is, I should be able to readily count my joys and blessings.

53. Another year of life.
54. Children that want to love me and make my birthday special with gifts from their own rooms and possessions.
55. Refrigerators at church to hold my warming groceries from my officially dead refrigerator.
56.The soft hum of electricity flowing through a new and improved refrigerator.
57. The money available to make a most expensive and unexpected(not really wanted) birthday purchase.
58. Children with intelligence and academic strengths.
59. My daughter's sweet and beautiful handwriting (She is a lefty) and her gift of writing.
60. The love of books instilled in little hearts.
61. The best birthday gift given by little man- his quiet slumber on birthday day.
62. Additional 90 minutes filled with quiet commune with God in 2 Chronicles and beyond.
63. The gift of God's message to me for the day.
64. Another day of employment for hubby.
65. Plans change resulting in hubby home for my birthday. -Just having him here is enough.

Psalm 36:5-10a
5 Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.
6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the ocean depths.
You care for people and animals alike, O Lord.
7 How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter
in the shadow of your wings.
8 You feed them from the abundance of your own house,
letting them drink from your river of delights.
9 For you are the fountain of life,
the light by which we see.

10 Pour out your unfailing love on those who love you;

Colossians Chapter 1

2010-03-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Colossaians 1:4-6 (NLT)
4 For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, 5 which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News.

6 This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace.

Colossians 1:5a (The Message)
The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in heaven, kept taut by hope.

Purpose of life? What is my purpose or role? Of course, a lot does depend on Dana's employment. Here is what I know though. My faith is weak. I am not obedient as I should be as a result of my weak faith and trust in God. I like to think that I have it all in my power and control to decide and manage life. Right! With my disobedient and poor decisions come great and severe consequences. So worry, guilt, shame and even worse mount up against me and leave me feeling powerless and just stuck-unmotivated. I am faced with acknowledging that the source of my anxiety (no peace), my joylessness, my irritablity (no gentleness, patience, kindness or mercy) is that I am not close to God! That is a horrible thing to admit. Sure, I can say all the right words and seem holy. Sure, I can keep myself beyond busy with God-related activities but it is all hollow- empty!
Where is the hope? I know Jesus and the Good News from the time I was a child. But I have lost sight of the faith and the hope and the fruit found from being close to Jesus.

Colossians 1:9-12 (NLT)

9 ... We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.

11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,[a] 12 always thanking the Father...

I need and want in my life:
Knowledge of God's Will
Spiritual Wisdom
to Know the way to live so that God is honored and pleased
Produce Good Fruit - peace, joy, kindness, love,etc.
Know God better and better- Abide with Him, Curl up and intimately know Him
Be strengthened
See God's Glorious Power
Have joy, endurance and patience.
Hope

"ASK" - translated pray. Lord, please help me to know and understand Your Will for me and for my family.I want to follow Your Will for my role and purpose. I need lots of wisdom: Wisdom to raise kids, lead ministry, be a godly wife, be a faithful, loving and obedient daughter to You. Please reveal to my heart and mind how I should live to glorify and honor You in my family's lives and in my home. I want to be known by my patience, my kindness, my gentleness and my love. Not by the lack of it all. I want my family to benefit and be blessed by the fruits of the Spirit. Help me in my thirst and desire for knowing You more intimately so that I can be strengthened by Your glorious power and have teh endurance and patience to withstand life's difficulties and my failures. Help me to find and count the joys in life no matter what my reality is for each day. Remind me of the hope I have from faith and knowledge of You and life to come. You are a faithful God, loving and providing for me always. You have never failed me or disappointed me. You are glorious and wondeful. I do love You, God! How awesome You are. Thank You for Your faithfulness and provision for my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The Valley of Berachah

2010-03-18T04:33:00.000-07:00

Often as I check in with the blogs I have kept as my favorites or get the few remaining blog updates in my inbox, I read something that bears further thought and study. If I am lucky, that happens sometime during that day. Otherwise, I get to it when I stumble across my notes about what I read. Which is what happened yesterday. I had every intention of journaling about what I read in Colossians (thanks to Lysa TerKeurst's online discussion study of said book) when I stumbled across some scribbled notes about powerlessness, victory and bridges in 2 Chronicles 20:1-24. I was drawn to these notes as I am feeling somewhat powerless over what the future of Dana's employment with this company and what exactly am I suppose to do in life - Did I mention that yesterday was my 43rd birthday? That sounds so old and I feel so immature and uncertain like a young girl. Where, oh, where, is maturity and confidence? I digress.
So I wanted to know more about how to experience victory over powerlessness. The story picks up with Jehoshaphat looking at the armies of Moab and the armies of the Ammonites among OTHERS about to attack the Israelites. Can you imagine so many against you at one time? Well, I can. That is my life! My weaknesses, my sin, insecurities, trials and worries of mothering two blessings, household management in this economy with the threat of unemployment, tying to be a better wife that someone like Dana deserves plus the demands and expectations of children's minsitry - Don't even go there with the feelings of failure and inadequacey! I feel such immense powerlessness just as the Jehoshaphat must have.

Look at what happens in 2 Chronicles 20:4-24 NIV (with some editing by me)

4 The people of Judah came together to seek help from the LORD.....6 and said:
"O LORD, Our God .... You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. ......9b we will stand in your presence ....and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.' .....

12 O our God, ... we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."

There is the POWERLESSNESS! I do not know what to do, Lord!

15 ..... This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. .... 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, .... Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "

20.... Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld; have faith ... and you will be successful." 21 .....sing to the LORD and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness ....
"Give thanks to the LORD,
for his love endures forever."

This is the BRIDGE! The way to victory!

22 As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against (the enemies), and they were defeated. 23 .... destroyed and annihilated.

25 .... plunder,... more than they could take away.... 26 ....assembled in the Valley of Beracah (Valley of Praises), where they praised the LORD.

27 Then, .... (all) returned joyfully ...., for the LORD had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies.

Here is the VICTORY! Overcoming and conquering the enemies of my life!

What I get from this passage is this reminder-- My battles are not mine alone. The battle belongs to God, who is all powerful and mighty to conquer! I am powerless to conquer my enemies, the battles and trials of my life alone. I am constantly trying to go it alone and take care of everything alone. I always end up defeated, pushed down and pushed back. Defeated with only more pity, more frustration, more discouragement and more fear. The battle belongs to God, who is all powerful and mighty to conquer!

Here is the sad part of everything- I know who is my Savior and my Protector. I know what I should do to get help but I don't... sigh

Look what Jehoshaphat reminds me to do... Look to God, Seek Him. Alone I don't have a clue as to what to do or how to manage but God does. God, I am sorry for when I don't cry out to You. I don't trust You to take care of everything. I should know that You are always here for me-always! I am sorry that I get so afraid and so incredibly discouraged about so much of my life! I don't want to be afraid and discouraged! I want to be able to stand firm and watch You do Your mighty and glorious work in my life and in the lives of my family! Amen

I do not have a passive role in this battle. I should be praising God! I should be watching and recognizing the power, might and splendor of God at work and praising Him for all of His love for me and my family!

The means of my leaving my powerlessness behind me and moving on to victory- PRAISES! PRAISES and thanksgiving to God for His love endures forever. His love will last and always be present no matter what! I must turn my sight, my focus to Him, have faith and be aware of His glorious work in my life. PRAISE GOD! I should be living in the Valley of Beracah ! I should name the things I am grateful for daily despite my circumstances, despite my reality. PRAISE GOD!

Victory will be mine because God will ambush, destroy, annihilate my worries, my frustrations, my sin, my weaknesses, my failures, my lack of faith and trust, my insecurities. I will no long be powerless over these things, but finding victories in life because the I stood firm, sought God with faith and watched and praise Him for His love, might and power endure forever. The Valley of Beracah sounds like a lovely place to be settled. Praises and joy that comes from seeking and focusing on God's glory and work in my life against my enemeies. It is time to cross that bridge from powerlessness to victory against the enemies of my life.

Ephesians 6:10-12 (NIV)
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

1 Corinthians 16:13 (NET)
Stay alert. Stand firm in the faith. Show courage.Be strong.

Isaiah 25:1 (NIV)
O LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done marvelous things,
things planned long ago.

Psalm 63:1-5

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Gratituesday

2010-03-16T10:27:00.001-07:00

43. A few stolen moments to blog.
44. A speedy appliance repairman.
45. Kind, understanding and knowledgable nurses at pediatricians.
46. A few stolen moments to scrapbook.
47. Sweet birthday wishes.
48. Children and hubby that love me despite my weaknesses.
49. A loving and merciful God who fills in my gaps. 2 Corinthians 12:9
50. Sunshine and the fresh new buds of new life- Spring is coming!
51. Another book study with Lysa TerKeurst- Colossians this time!
52. God's provision- Each day thankful for another day of employment for Dana.

Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

2010-03-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

Flashback to this past August, 2009. I was traveling six hours with my hubby and kids to visit my family and take my mom to a Beth Moore simulcast. Right before we left, my preordered and much anticipated book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl arrived in the mail. Woohoo!!! The van packed with my sweet little ones and their DVDs and a loving hubby to do all the driving and we set off. I opened my book before we got out of the driveway and settled in for the drive. For almost 6 hours I spent some girl time with my bloggy friend, Lysa TerKeurst, and reminisced about the 80s. Like, is there any other decade?! I read and reread and underlined - okay, underlining was kind of hard in a moving van, but I marked all of the words that were so me. Needless to say, there was a lot of marking going on. I even read sections aloud to my patient hubby who loves me so much that he let me read on this long trip. Did I mention that he willingly took on full kid duty all of Friday night and Saturday morning while I was at the simulcast? Anyway, I got a great hunk - much better than Rick Springfield and Tom Selleck combined!
I had read What Happens When Women Say Yes to God earlier in the year and had written on an index card a prayer that Lysa shared in that book. She shared it again in this new book: "God, I want to see You. God, I want to hear You. God, I want to know You. So that I can follow hard after You everyday." This prayer is now my daily prayer. I actually repeat it a few times a day. I realized as I read this book that my actions and my words may appear to be set on God. I do a lot of children's and MOPS ministry work every week but my one on one, just me and God relationship was not at all where it should be, especially if I am a ministry leader. Using Colossians 3:1-2, Lysa reminded me that my heart and my mind should be set on God. His truth should should totally change me. I should not be the same if I am getting my heart and mind daily set in God's Word and His Will for me.
Despite all my efforts and good intentions with children's ministry and MOPS, I was never filling totally satisfied. I was trying to find my signifigance through these good and Godly things, but I was unfullfilled. I felt like a fake and not effective in these ministries. I could say all the right words and even be sincere, however, deep down in my inner most parts, I knew that I was, as Lysa said, a hollow woman, not a holy one. Jesus was the only thing that could satisfy and fullfill me, but I was not there with Him. My time with Jesus was crowded out by all the many demands of motherhood, children's ministry, MOPS, just daily living. I put getting ready for Sunday morning children's programming and MOPS meetings ahead of my daily time with God and even my family. To make matters worse, Sundays were so crazy busy that I didn't get out of the children's department to go to worship. I was depleted and not finding any source of refreshment from God. I made some really not great decisions and my unhappiness and frustration with myself only increased. So I buried myself in more ministry and good deeds for others to find my fullfillment and satisfaction with life, with myself. Now armed with my daily prayer of seeking God, anticipating hearing from Him and expecting to know His Will for me has challenged me to intentionally make my time with God a priority and a special time of the morning. I am not perfect at keeping my daily appointment with Him. Kids waking often in the night make it hard to get up at 5am. But I really miss and long for that time of quiet conversation with God when I don't sit with Him in the mornings.
Lysa is the kind of friend I would want to take shopping with me. She would not be afraid to tell me that those much coveted tapered leg Zena jeans don't look good on me. I know this because she is the kind of friend who challenged me and told me with all honesty that despite all the wonderful ministry things I did, Bible studies and conferences I attended, how godly my husband was, etc. that I needed to make some personal changes with my relationship with God. I need an undivided heart. Psalm 86:11 "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth;give me an undivided heart , that I may fear your name."On the return trip home, I was reading the chapter, "Unlikely Lessons From a Pineapple" when a God thing happened. For several weeks, verses regarding waiting kept cropping up in daily devotionals from Proverbs 31 Ministries and other places. Beth Moore shared at the simulcast about waiting on God from Psalms 37. Then I read about David and Goliath in Chapter 6. David was sent back to the fields after being annointed king to wait on God's timing. Here again in the midst of this book, I was hit again with the notion that I need to wait on God. Allow Him to prepare me where I was with the things I needed to do what He had in store for me. I was in tears on I-65. I so wanted to hear and know more about God's Will for me. I longed to climb up in His lap and have Him reassure me that I was loved and He had it all in control. I didn't have to worry and try to arrange everything all on my own.
Fast Forward to March, 2010. I have read this book twice now. I laughed and cried through this book. Each reading uncovered another challenge and discrepancy in my relationship with God. Yet, I was encouraged to keep going and seeking Him because He was waiting for me and wanting me to come closer. The decisions and my attitude is not always the best still, but I am filling myself and arming myself with God's Word. I am letting it rearrange me, change me and it feels great. Psalm 119:30-32, "I have chosen the way of the truth: I have set my heart on Your laws. I hold fast to Your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free."
I posted some entries in October and Novemeber about the first three chapters as I participated in an online study. Life happens and prevented further postings but I continued with writing my thoughts and prayers in my journal. I am so excited to lead two groups in a study with Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl beginning this week! This book has blessed me and continues to bless me and I pray that the women who read this book are as challenged to be more than just a good Bible study girl.

Gratitude

2010-02-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

Oh, for the grace and mercy of my heavenly Father! He is faithful to me!

I give you all the credit, God- You got me out of that mess(again for today), You didn't let (Satan gloat over my sins). God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave (one I dug myself), gave me another chance (for today) when I was down-and-out. All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God! Thank Him face to face! He gets angry once in awhile (as well He should with me) but across (my) lifetime there is (and has been) only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter...... I called out to You, O God; I laid my case before You; ....So listen! and be kind! Help me out of this! You did it(again); You changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst out with song; I can't keep quiet about You. God, my God, I can't thank You enough. Psalm 30 (The Message) parantheses are mine.

God is a faithful God. He has always proven faithful to me. I often didn't understand and don't always understand why things happen. When my parents encountered another Christian who dealt them a bad, dishonest business agreement with no recourse for justice in this world which resulted in lots of financial difficulties for our family, God was faithful and provided and provided! Praise God!
When I left home for the very first time to teach out of state even! God provided the most amazing school principal - he proclaimed Jesus to the graduating fifth graders and their families - in a public school with the superintendent there! What a testimony to his faith! I knew during the phone interview to set up the face to face interview that this was the man I wanted to work for and with. God provided the opportunity and the peace within my heart to say "YES!". Over and over during those three years, God proved, such as with that first graduation ceremony, His provision to be faithful for my good. God provided through one relationship to be faithful in leading me to discover the man He chose for my lifelong friend and partner in life. While the pain is almost unbearable in the midst of the death of a relationship, He was faithful in providing good friends who loved me and were supportive, including the man, I later married. So much more to that story and yes, the guy I broke up with was in our wedding. Afterall, he was a good friend to both my darling, hunky man and to me. God is faithful. When my precious Daddy died so unexpectedly while he and Momma were out of the country, God was faithful in providing Christians to minister to my mom before my brother could get to her. God is amazing! He provided so many opportunities for darling, hunky husband and I to travel for business/pleasure and to do ministry abroad and locally that we would not have been able to do if we had children. In the midst of the heart ache of infertility for eleven years, God was faithful. He was faithful in answering the desires of our hearts and prayers with two amazing children! Oh, my God is faithful! Even today, God is faithful in hearing my pleas and prayers. Despite my sin, my rebellion, my unworthiness of His mercy, forgiveness and love, He is faithful! My God is faithful! I praise Him for this day and His faithfulness today!

Today I am grateful for:
36. Another day with a job!
37. Sunshine to play outside in.
38. Hot dogs and hair cuts with my little man.
39. Beth Moore's wise words from Psalm 37.
40. God's faithfulness and love for someone such as I.
41. Warm bubble baths and hot tea.
42. My hunky, darling husband who has such faith- How I deserved him? God must think that I am precious to be given so great a man.

Gratitude

2010-02-17T18:27:00.000-08:00

In the midst of struggles, busyness and just living each day, I am trying to name the things, people, events, and feelings that I am thankful for. I hope to be able to name at least 1000 by the end of the year. This would be a small sampling of everything I should and am thankful for- all good gifts from my Faithful God.

27. Another day with a job.
28. A super pediatrician and his office staff.
29. Antibiotics that will kill the ear infection.
30. Surviving the dentist with sick little one.
31. Being reminded how hard but how amazing it was to be a new mom to new itty bitties.
32. Longing for time with God in worship and prayer.
33. Friends who pray for you.
34. The need for tears to flow and the relief when they finally do.
35. Sunshine reflecting on the pond on a chilly winter day.

God is good and faithful. "If I keep my eyes on God, I won't trip over my own feet. Look at me and help me! I'm all alone and in big trouble. ...Keep watch over me and keep me out of trouble; Don't let me down when I run to you." Psalm 25:15-16;20 (The Message)

Gratituesday

2010-02-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

As Trish Berg described it today in her post, life sometimes comes up with some blind curves. Sometimes you know that the road of life has potential blind curves and you do nothing to prepare for them. They end up catching you off guard, unprepared. Those are the kind that I get so frustrated with myself about. That is the kind of blind curve I am in right now. I just don't know how tight of a curve it is yet. I know that God is faithful and trustworthy. He hears me and yet His ways probably are not my ways. I have witnessed His loving provision in the past. Yet, I don't feel worthy of His care and concern. My rebellion and wretchedness is so great that I feel selfish, self-centered, a bit of spoiled brat coming to Him with my pleas. But I still want to have faith and trust that He will guide me through this nasty stretch of road to a straight and more scenic and relaxing drive. God is good.

John Piper in Future Grace writes, "There is a sense in which gratitude and faith are interwoven joys that strengthen each other. As gratitude joyfully revels in the benefits of past grace, so faith joyfully relies on the benefits of future grace. Therefore when gratitude for God’s past grace is strong, the message is sent that God is supremely trustworthy in the future because of what he has done in the past. In this way faith is strengthened by a lively gratitude for God’s past trustworthiness."

God is a faithful God. He has never changed, nor will He ever. When I can see or remember God's faithfulness in all circumstances, it should be easier for me to give thanks.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:16-17

That same verse in The Message says: "Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
Today I am grateful for:

19. Another day with a job.
20. Energetic children.
21. A picture by DD that says she loves me because she is my little girl.
22. A day of building puzzles with my little man.
23. A day of prayer and crying out to my faithful Savior.
24. Psalms 25.
25. Bloggy friends who pray for me.
26. Winning a gift basket of Johnson and Johnson cocoa butter oil and lotion. Mmmmmm! I need that. God is good.

God Who Are You? Bible Study

2010-02-14T16:53:00.000-08:00

Who is God to me? This is a question I have been mulling over all week as I have undertaken this great online study. I don't know if all of my thoughts will totally make sense to anyone else.
Who is God to me? I have thought how I have viewed Him over my 40 plus years and how I view Him today.
God has always seemed larger than life to me. He is this huge presence that is watching me and keeping up with my good and bad deeds. He is ready to punish me or make things difficult when I don't do what is right. He provides for me wonderfully when I do what is good and right. I was afraid of Him - He knew my thoughts and words before I even thought or said them. With all of this though, I knew He loved me and I loved Him and wanted to please Him.
Then I understood more about the Trinity and the songs, "Jesus Is All the World to Me" and "Anywhere with Jesus", became my themed songs. I sung them all the time. What comfort and peace I felt when I sang these songs to myself and thought about the words. Jesus was my forever friend- He was my everything.
Now, I view God as my Creator and giver of life. He provided a way for my salvation. He is the only one that can provide me with the security and comfort that I need. He is the only one that can know me through and through. However, I still disappoint Him by not trusting Him totally. I take back control of my life decisions over and over thus falling into sin. I am stubborn and willful and do lots of things I know are not beneficial. I deserve any punishment, discipline, negative consequences as a result of my decisions. I still fear Him but also so love being able to crawl up into His lap and lay it all before Him. He is the Great Comforter- My Daddy - My Forever Friend.
I know of His great love for me because He has given me an amazing man for my lifelong partner in marriage (one I don't deserve) and after so many years of infertility, in His perfect timing, God has given me two awesome and beautiful children. I have been blessed by my Heavenly Father for reasons I don't quite understand because I am not deserving. I just know that despite my own failings, He never fails me- He is still all the world to me and I will go anywhere He leads me.

God Who Are You? Bible Study

2010-02-08T08:51:00.000-08:00

An online Bible study is getting underway this week! If you stumbled into my little blog, you can learn more about the study, download the study guide and view the weekly video here.... http://www.titus2atthewell.com/ I am anxious to join in as I really feel the need for feeding from God's Word. It is funny how I can be involved in ministry and lead ministry and even studies, yet I don't seem satisfied. Perhaps it is my own weakness that I don't take the time I need to really commune with God. I am getting chapters read and notes made for the next meeting. It has all become just another to do on my endless lists. My prayer is that this study will be a time without deadlines, a time when I can escape for a little while to the computer to watch the video and then spend my few minutes of quite time thinking, reading and praying about who God is amd how He fits into my life.

I am Mary Lynn, a so called stay-at-home mom of two (ages 4 and 6), Little Man is still at home and busting with energy and enthusiasm for all things mechanical, bouncing, and with wheels. Little Princess is in kindergarten. She is a very good student but would prefer to be home wearing her tiaras and playing with most things girlie- growing up is hard - for her and mommy. I am married for the last 18 years to my Prince Charming and best friend. I consider myself extremely blessed with a wonderful family. Currently, I keep way too busy with leading a MOPS ministry. I am retiring after this year as my season of life is changing rapidly. The majority of my "free" time is spent leading the early childhood ministry at our growing church. Getting everyone scheduled, and getting worship and small groups set up for Sunday services is a full time job. I have been put in a place where I can serve and influence in an area that I feel passionate about. However, I often feel torn between being a better mom and wife without the distractions and obligations elsewhere and using the talents and opportunities God has given me to lead other children to a life changing relationship with their forever friend, Jesus. My prayer is that I will be able to intentionally take time each week to watch the video and make the time of reflection and prayer a priority.

Multitude Mondays

2010-02-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

Too often I allow external and internal worries and struggles interfere with my pursuit of Joy. It is these times that I truly need to count my multitude of blessings to be reminded of how much I am loved and provided for my God. God is faithful, loving and merciful. I am grateful for that as I am by my own judgement not worthy of His love, provision and mercy.

8. God's faithfulness, love and mercy.
9. A hard working husband.
10. A husband who has a good sense of humor
11. Kids that enjoy one another.
12. God who keeps my family safe when I am not there.
13. A job that hubby enjoys.
14. A warm home.
15. Funny children.
16. Children who are very verbal and problem solvers.(Watch out school system)
17. A home full of love.
18. Late night and early morning hours of silent prayers.

God is good and provides for all my needs. Even when I focus on my own struggles and worries, He is forever faithful to me and my family. Thank you, God!

Win Rosetta Stone for your Family!

2010-01-23T16:59:00.000-08:00

Surround your family with language. By taking them there!

Travel to Paris, Madrid and Barcelona with Homeschoolers from all over the United States. Join Rosetta Stone Homeschool, Heart of the Matter and Fusefly on the inaugural Homeschool Language Learning and Networking Trip August 2-11, 2010. Become immersed in new lands, explore history, culture, art and community. And truly speak to the world. For more details visit www.RosettaStone.com/Homeschool/LanguageLearningTrip.

Hurry, registration for the trip ends February 15, 2010.

For your chance to win a Rosetta Stone language product, please visit Heart of the Matter. Entries are being accepted until February 1st.

http://heartofthematteronline.com/win-rosetta-stone

Multitude Mondays

2010-01-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

I have been on the search for joy for so long now. I think part of my problem is that I am so busy trying to survive the day and get everything done, that I don't take time each day to intentionally name the the things, my blessings, that do bring me joy. If I would take a few minutes and thank God for the good things in my life, I think that the joy would be uncovered. It has been there all along, but my rush to do life's daily events leave me frustrated, overwhelmed, impatient and full of mommy guilt. So in an effort to intentionally find joy, I am going to count my blessings as the song from my childhood says, "one by one".

1. Time with my kids at the children's museum.
2. A van that is reliable and safe for travel to and from Atlanta and beyond
3. A GPS and cell phone that work and provide me with an extra bit of security in our adventures.
4. A warm pair of fuzzy socks on a chilly January night.
5. Three beautiful and gentle kitties that love my kids as much or almost as much as they love me.
6. Kids who are crazy for animals, especially their cats.
7. A hubby who is crazy for me and his kids.

Thank you, God, for the many blessings you provide me and my family each and every hour of the day. I want to intentionally seek and name the blessings so that I can give You thanks for them and teach my children to be thankful for their blessings. I want greater joy in life and it is found in You alone. Amen.

New Year's Goals

2010-01-07T04:47:00.000-08:00

Okay,I have said this in the soooo many times in the past, "I am going to get organized in my life!". I have made charts, calendars, schedules, plans and plans on how to fit everything into a 24/7 life with 2 kids. But trying to schedule housework, scrapbooking, time with God, play and instructional time with kids, time with hubby, exercise, cooking, sleep, laundry, all the many, many tasks for MOPS and the children's ministry can't be done. Life happens. A kid is sick, daddy is out of town, a special event happens, headaches, just tired, so tired happens. I get bogged down, overwhelmed and all things slow to almost a halt. The only thing that continues to move somewhat is children's ministry because it will happen somehow each week and tons of kids are affected. So sad other people's kids get the better part of me than my own. Do you feel the mommy guilt heaped on me?

So scheduling each hour is out of the question, but I can organize each day generally and set some goals for the day. Flexiblity is important but so is consistency.
An idea from another mommy blogger is to spend no more, yes, set the timer-kind of 5 minutes on each room a day, except the kitchen, which gets 15 minutes. Do the surface stuff. No deep cleaning. That is saved for another day. After 5 minutes move on. This should be about an hour during the day and can happen at any point- morning, afternoon, evening, whenever there is time in that day's schedule. All the rooms don't even have to be done at the same time! Also, give myself permission to do something halfway. So what if all of the kids toys aren't in the absolute correct bin? At least they are picked up. I don't have to have everything completeley organized perfectly. Everything has a home,yes, but sometimes it can be a messy home.

Taking the 90 Day Bible Challenge is helping me take time to read the Bible. I do get behind, but I don't stress. I just get myself caught up and try again. Exercise and eating better is a little harder. I need to just do it early in the morning. I am eating out of the pantry and freezer for this month so whatever is there is going to be eaten.

Time at the computer is needing to be limited. This means MOPS, children's ministry and my own personal blog reading and writing (not that I write a lot here- MOPS is another story) will be affected. I believe this is my biggest time stealer. So getting a timer an sticking to it at specific times of the day is important.

So I have specific goal areas to work on. All of this, hopefully, will result in the ultimate goal of my family having a more fun, loving, patient, present, happy wife and mom and happy and clean home to rest in.

The verse I am using as my motto this year is from Colossians 3:17. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed,do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

My plan for the year is to pray this everyday at meal times(easy way for me to remember) and let all of my activities, speech and attitudes be a reflection of God's Will -to His glory and with thanksgiving to God for the challenges, blessings, opportunities and joys.

Happy New Year!

Taking the Challenge

2009-12-22T08:59:00.000-08:00

With all the things I need to do as a mom, wife, ministry leader of not one but two ministries and eating, sleeping and the occassional shower, I too often lose the focus of my very existence. I feel quite lost in all of my endeavors because I am not staying as close to God through His Word and prayer. I try to find some time to read the Bible and pray in the mornings before kids get up- yeah, right, my early birds! But I often sit there trying to figure out where to start. I discovered this challenge at www.momstoolbox.com. I thought this would be a great way to start off the new year, refocusing my time with God with some structure and maybe some new bloggy friends to encourage me along the way. If you stumble across my ramblings, please feel free to join in.

A Wonderful Song

2009-12-14T07:59:00.000-08:00

What can I give my Lord and King?

Good Intentions Leading to a New Season

2009-12-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

It seems that yet again I start something and can't quite follow thru the way I should. Other things like family activities, other responsiblilities and just sheer laziness or need for sleep steal away my good intentions. It isn't that I don't always finish somethings, but rather that I don't get to do them the way I envisioned. For example, my study and thoughts of Lysa's book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl. I have read it several times and spent time thinking and praying about the chapters I read. I just haven't had the chance to come to the blog and journal those thoughts or share them with anyone who might be passing by. (But I shall return to those entries when the time comes again.)
Plans are often made and then readjusted to accommodate the time and other contraints of my life. It is frustrating to no end, but I do give thanks that I have family and other opportunities that interefere with my own desires. I just sometimes wish, not so often though. That is where Simplicity comes in.

I have read Keri Wyatt Kents books about Sabbath keeping. It is so much more than just taking a day off from household chores, and other activities. It is more about making a set time to focus on God and His character. It may be done while watching kids play or while folding laundry with soft music as your company. However, it is done, it is done intentionally and with purpose. Everyone's Sabbath may look a bit different depending on the season of life they are in. A mom with babies and toddlers will have a different kind of Sabbath than a mom with older kids or an empty nester. My attempts at Sabbath Keeping have changed in the last few years as my kids have gotten older and more independent than babies and toddlers. However, I do need encouragement, more intentionality (is that a word?) in making my time with God, my spiritual disciplines more than something a Good Bible Study Girl settle for.

Now I do need to continue cutting back on some of the things I am responsible for and get involved in. My kids are getting older and will be adding to the schedule. They need to also learn that taking time to be with God is a good thing. Becoming more simplified in my spiritual disciplines is critical. So More than a Good Bible Study Girl meet Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster. I am going to lead this book discussion after the first of the year. I hope that by doing so I will gain a better understanding of how my Sabbath needs to look and to actually implement it on a more consistent basis.

And yes, I am giving up something. I am giving up a good deal of the MOPS operations to some other ladies. I have already laid the ground work for the meetings that remain this year. The ladies should be able to continue on with me serving as more of an advisor or mentor role. This will be my last year in MOPS. I pray leaders will emerge and be able to carry on for the remainder of the year and future years.

So my season of life is continuing to change. It is a bit sad to see those years with my babies go away. To know that my years staying home to raise them are coming to an end is hard. Despite how hard it has all been it has been glorious and a privilege to raise my little ones to this next stage- elementary school. Oh, this new season will be fun and glorious and challenging as well. So now with Good Intentions I am taking time to focus on preparing myself and my family for a more simplistic lifestyle with a intentional Sabbath time and more purposeful and real spiritual disciplines.I will follow thru with the help of God. I must for my own sake and that of my family's.

It Is You

2009-11-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

A great song for worship! Turn down the blog's playlist.

Chapter Three-When I Feel Like I Don't Measure Up

2009-11-06T03:45:00.000-08:00

Rewarding. That is what I thought motherhood, ministry, life in general was going to be. I would have it all and be all to all. That is where I get myself into trouble and find things less than rewarding often.
Like Lysa, I way too often do not get the Really Good Mommy Award or any other award other than the Biggest Joke of a (fill in the blank) award.
Like Lysa, though, I have these grand visions of how I am going to mother, keep house, manage things, scrapbook,and lead ministries.Because I, just like other moms, have a lot to juggle, I don't get everything done. But what frustrates me, is that I am an education major and all of these wonderful activities and experiences I wanted to do with me kids, all of the cute object lessons to teach them God's Word, all of the games we were going play just don't get done. Why? Did I mention that I lead two ministries that require my time and attention? A house, a husband, and every once in a while, I would love to take a bubble bath alone. After a while, I resent those ministries because they take me away from my kids, leave me grumpy and tired- no drained. I then resent or get frustrated more with the kids because their childishness interrupts my cleaning, my getting things done for ministries, my few stolen moments to chill. Yep, No Good Mommy Award, No Good Children's Ministry Leader Award,No Good Wife Award (I don't even want to start with that part of my life.) And in the end, the unmet expectations have piled on more and more guilt. These piles of quilt weigh me down and render me going through the motions or slugging half-heartedly through activities that are less than what I expected or wanted.
I love what Lysa says,"If Satan can use our everyday experiences, both big and small, to cripple our true identitiy, then he renders God's people totally ineffective for the kingdom of Christ."

That is me! I am totally feeling ineffective all the way around. I am just going through the motions of life. Living it day by day, week by week.On Sundays, I finish a day of children's worship and Bible study and managing the children's department that has take me virtually all week of thinking and preparing for, along with my children needing mommy with tears and whines and go home to be with family and face the unfinished laundry, meals that are needed, husband wanting my time and attention. Then on Monday morning, I realize I get to do it all over again. No wonder I hate Mondays! I have lost the joy of it all- mothering, children's ministry, my women's ministry, housekeeping, even scrapbooking. It all has become a chore, a source of guilt. I am ineffective for Christ in all things. Satan is totally loving me and my feelings of inadequacy! My question hasn't been,"Why doesn't Jesus work for me?" but "Where is Jesus in all of this mess?" Well, I know He is right there beside me. He has been present and working in spite of myself. I just need to trust that He can work through any of the situations. My circumstances and my identity seem so tightly wrapped up in each other. I have 2 kids/I am a mommy. I have a husband/I am a wife. I am a SAHM/I am home manager. I am ministry leader/I have or had a passion for the ministry. I am trying to figure out where my priorities are and how to best live this life. Jesus is my only ture measure of my worth. My shortcomings do not mean I have failed, it just means I need to step back and realign my priorities and allow Jesus and God to fill in the gaps where I don't measure up.
I mess up so many times in so many ways. I keep thinking that I should know better by now. I can do so much better, but yet again, I fall short. Lysa is right when she says,"The reason failure hurts is because we are trying so stinkin' hard to measure up." For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity. Proverbs 24:16 So I guess the lesson here is what my parents used to tell, "When you don't first succeed, try, try again." I am still mom, wife, ministry leader, scrapbooker, Christian, girly girl, but I am going to not measure up when I use my own measuring stick or the measuring stick of another mom, wife, ministry leader, etc. I need to use Christ as my measuring stick. "God never intended for us to rely on others for our sense of well-being. Only He is equipped to provide that." As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in My love. If you obey My commands, you will remain im My love, just as I have obeyed My Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. John 15:9-11
So now I am reminded to abide in Christ- to remain in Him- Stay close to Him-Trust Him-Obey Him-Stay faithful to His commands. It is when I keep close to Him that I find joy- that I find myself measuring up in life. I will still never be enough for everyone else just as they will never be enough for me. But with Christ's help, I can find more opportunities to recognize the rewards of my many roles in life.

Let the Words

2009-11-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

I enjoy the company of several wonderful writers via their blogs and books. Jennifer Rothschild is one of the wonderful and wise ladies that encourage me each week. She is releasing an album, Remember, soon and this is one of the songs on the album.

Remember to mute the playlist before listening to this video.

Joy Challenge

2009-10-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

The joy for today is being home with my two sweet little ones and enjoying their companionship and love. Snuggles and the cutest and sweetest love notes with pictures from my babies is so precious. I take it all for granted and don't enjoy the moment enough. Thank you, God, for their love and this time in life. May I always store these days in my heart to ponder when I grow old and they grow up and move on to their own independent lives and families. What a priceless gift I have in my babies. May I be the mommy they deserve and You designed me to be. With your help and guidance, may they come to know. love and seek You hard each day.

Chapter Two- Flitting To and Fro

2009-10-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

Oh, to be school teacher! Oh, to be married to wonderful, godly hunk from Georgia Tech! Oh, to be a mommy! Oh, to be part of a successful children's ministry! Oh, to be caught up on all my scrapbooks! Oh, to.... I understand what Lysa describes as the emptiness that makes one "feel desperate, needy, complicated full of unrealistic expectations." All the things I thought would make me feel happy and fulfilled lead to disillusionment and disappointment. Then comes the guilt and the bad attitude which manifests itself in my impatience, grumpiness, lack of joy,etc. with my family and with my circumstances. I understand what she is talking about when she talks about things that "quicky went from blessings to burdens." Although knowing it is God that should be the sole source of filling me, I,too,seek out fulfillment from imperfect people like my darling and amazing husband and sweet children. When I no longer feel satisfied or fulfilled, have I ever looked for something else to make me feel significant? Who me? OH, NO! NOT ME! Yeah, my nose is about the length of the football field at Bobby Dodd Stadium! I tend to pour 150% of myself into any endeavor I chose to do such as MOPS, children's ministry and thus neglect the very ones I love the most. What happens then? Why these things are imperfect and involve imperfect people, and my life circumstances change and then I am disillusioned and left feeling as though I have failed everyone, I mean everyone, because my heart is no longer in it- I have lost my sense of purpose and focus. Then I begin searching for something else to make me feel significant. "Who (am) I to be working in a Christian ministry? Especially one that (teaches) women to love their husbands, nurture their children, and follow after God everyday?" Who am I to be working in a ministry that focuses on leading children to Christ? Lysa describes some of her adventures in trying to find her niche. I am laughing and crying at the same time! She is a good friend to give you a great tummy aching laugh! But she ends up expressing my feelings exactly.- How does she do that?! "I was a hollow woman, not a holy woman. I had said yes to Jesus being my Savior, but didn't have a clue how He could be the answer to my emptiness." There is no way that my husband, my kids, my position in ministry or my profession or my home and possessions can ever fill me. They will never be able to replace my feelings of insecurity or insignificance or my guilt. "No person, possession, profession or postion ever fills the cup of a wounded, empty heart" Anything, but God, is a poor substitute - a false god. I have always loved the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18. Lysa points out verse 29, "But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention." What a word picture is created concerning the false gods I have depended on to fill me. Those gods do not give me the response, answer and attention I need to fill me and make me feel complete. It is only God, my Heavenly Father that responds to me. He answers me. He is attention to me!
Have you ever said something to the effect, "If I only had .....,then I would be happy and satisfied." These "If only" statements trick us into putting our attention on obtaining those things instead of following hard after God. My "If only" statements have included, having a husband, having kids, getting into shape, getting my house in order, you get the idea. Getting these things still leaves me with a huge "hollow gap in (my) soul". Lysa suggests that instead of filling these statements with a person, possession, profession or postion, that we chose to fill the statements with something that would pull our hearts closer to God. "Since we cannot be pulled away from God and draw near to Him at the same time, speaking truth rights our perspectives and puts our focus where it should be."
It doesn't matter what the hollow gap is in my life, God is the perfect, the only thing that can fill that emptiness. When I replace my false gods with scripture truths, I will not feel that gap in my life. God's Word is the filter through which we should look at all of the day's events, our responses to situations, etc. God's Word causes changes in my attitudes, motives, desires, actions, words, and priorities. It rearranges my very existence. "As long as I daily make the choice to be guided by His truth, He replaces my hollowness with a wholeness of love that has no gaps." It is a choice, an intentional choice. It is a choice that must be made daily and often several times a day. Taking time each day to recognize my blessings and to appreciate and feel thankful for the people most important to me, is something I don't do often enough. The years are speeding by and I am too busy with my "If onlys" to enjoy what I have been blessed with- family, kids, husband, opportunities, salvation, life....Lysa describes it much better. "Maybe this is the true secret to being fulfilled and content. Living in the moment with God, defined by His truth, and with no unrealistic expectations for others or things to fill me up. Not reaching back for what was lost in my yesterdays. And not reaching for what I hope will be in my tomorrow. But living fully with what is right in front of me. And truly seeing the gift of this moment." Intentionally living now with all the circumstances and imperfect people I have been blessed with. Striving everyday to see God, hear God, know God and follow hard after Him. Then my hollowness will be replaced with a desire for holiness, too.

Chapter One- Trying to Be Good Enough

2009-10-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

In her book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl,Lysa TerKeurst talks about the labels she tried on growing up to find her identity. I, too, have had many labels that shaped and continue to shape my identity. Daughter, quiet girl, "goody-two shoes", bookworm, honor student, responsible, in demand babysitter, organized, wife, teacher, supermom, volunteer extraordinaire,etc. All of these labels came with expectations for my actions, attitudes, responses that I felt like I had to live up to. Not much room was left for feeling or worse revealing that I had so many shortcomings, weaknesses, failings, imperfections. Yes, I admit that I am absolutely and have absolutely never, ever been the perfect child, wife, mom, Christian or human being. Often feelings of loneliness, not fitting in or being unworthy to participate overcome me. With the perceptions and labels I wear, who really is interested in listening to my weaknesses and failures. No one expects me to be struggling with anything- I have everything altogether. If they only knew how many times I drop my basket in the course of the day!
I love the verse from Jeremiah that Lysa shares. I have this verse written out on index cards for a reminder that someone knows that I am imperfect and how many times my basket is dropped. He cares immensely for me despite every last little flaw and He alone makes me perfect. Jeremiah 29:12-13 "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
I grew up going to church, Christian schools, marrying a good Christian man, serving in ministries, attending all the Bible studies and women's events like a good Bible study girl should do, yet, I still feel unfulfilled. Seeking with all your heart requires more than just the routine Christian good girl checklist. Okay, so there Lysa just Moonwalked on my toes. Lysa goes on to talk about fulfillment. Fulfillment is to be completely satisfied, filled up, not discontented. I, too, want a more fulfilling relationship with Christ. I want to be assured that despite my failures and shortcomings, I have the security of knowing that He is there with me in all circumstances in life.
Lysa asks "How might (my) life look if (I) am so filled with God's truths (I) could let go of the pain of (my) past, not get tripped up by the troubles of today, or consumed by worries of tomorrow?" Going through the motions of the good Bible study girl checklist is not enough. I need to have the mindset that God will meet me where I am when I cry out to Him with heart that if so filled with the desire to go into a much deeper, authentic, life changing relationship with Him.
What has typically made me feel fulfilled? Academic successes, career as a teacher, mommyhood, being a wife, ministry leader, etc. But none of these things were ever the source of true fulfillment. Too quickly, I become disillusioned and feel like a failure as I deal with imperfect people, encountering someone I deem superior or more successful than myself. Oh, how pride takes hold of my heart. I will never be "enough" in my ideals of fulfillment. I will never be enough of a good wife, mother, ministry leader, teacher, daughter, sister, good Bible study girl to find true fulfillment- I will forever fall short! I love and appreciate Lysa's heartfelt and genuine desire to help women become closer to Christ. This is my prayer for myself and others "God, will You help me to have a deeper connection with You and find truer fulfillment as You transform every area of my life.That is the cry and the desire of my heart." and "God, I want to see You. God, I want to hear You. God, I want to know You. So that I can follow hard after You everyday." I love those last four statements she wrote. In her book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God she shared this prayer. I copied this also on my index cards to read and pray. So simple and so much what I desire to do each day. She finishes the chapter with Colossians 3:1-2 "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Lysa concludes by saying,"Setting our hearts and our minds on God and letting His truths change us, rearrange us, and redirect us will help us not just to know the message of Christ - but to live it out!" Change me, rearrange me, redirect me to know and live Christ each day. Please, Lord!

All scripture and quotes from the book are in italics. Any of my changes are in parentheses or boldface.

A Two Word Prayer

2009-10-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

I heart Lysa TerKeurst! She is so authentic and imperfect that it gives me hope that I, too, can be authentic and imperfect as a mom, wife and daughter of God. She is so incredibly encouraging! She is funny but also not afraid to step on my toes a bit. I had to share this.

Lysa TerKeurst | The Most Important Two Word Prayer from Southbrook Church on Vimeo.

More than a Good Bible Study Girl

2009-10-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

One of my absolute favorite bloggy girlfriends is Lysa Terkeurst! Although we have never met, I feel like I have known her forever. She is an amazingly authentic, down-to-earth girl who loves the Lord like no one else's business and wants to help others love Him the same way. I have had the privelege of reading several of her books, like What Happens When a Woman Says Yes to God and Help! My Bathtub is Overflowing!, so when I heard that her newest book was going to be released in the summer, I pre-ordered it and nearly danced down the driveway when it arrived. The book is wonderful!! I am in the midst of rereading it and now beginning an online study of the book. I hope to get the accompanying CD after the first of the year and perhaps even lead my own study of the book. Why do I love the book so much? I am glad you asked! You see, I too, have a way of playing at religion or more accurately playing games with my relationship with Jesus. I love me some check lists and to do lists and my past history has proven I can mark off the right religious activities with the best of them and still feel so alone and fake in my walk with God.
Although I have never faced the exact life situations - actually my childhood and early adult life was quite opposite of Lysa's but still many of the feelings and thoughts have been exactly as Lysa describes. I do relate in feeling far away from God, unlovable to Him or anyone else, seeking love and acceptance in all the wrong places and then the consequences.Oh my, consequences that come with guilt and shame, secrets and darkness.
So I am anxious to share many of my thoughts in this online journal- but as you know, sometimes with little ones and life crowding in, the actual composing comes slow. I wish there was a way to type my thoughts as I read and ponder all that she and God say about becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. If you are seeking to go deeper in an authentic relationship with God or looking to start out walking with God, this book is great!
By the way, did I mention she is a girl from the 80s? Oh, yeah, Lysa and I could really have some serious discussions about all things 80s and we could show these kids today how to really roller skate, especially to Rick Springfield's Jesse's Girl or Debbie Gibson.

Joy Challenge

2009-09-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

Joy today is being able to stay home and to have a poop breakthrough with my little man. For almost a month, we have been struggling with some potty issues. Several weekend and late night calls to the on call nurses, several trips to the doctor, pharmacy and a natural foods and herbalist, calling on a friend from church to help administer an enema (she has lots of experience) and finally, today maybe, just maybe, we may have moved a step closer to some regularity and getting rid of his pain. Yes, it did cost me the area rug in my living room, but if that is what it takes to get things moving good, that is fine. So today in my joy challenge, I find joy in being home and cleaning poop off my floors and celebrating the fact there is poop!

Finding Joy

2009-09-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

"I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart! Where?! Down in my heart!" A song from long ago that I sung so many times in Sunday school and at home as a little girl. Yet now as a grown woman, that joy is just not down in my heart. It is the thing I have been trying to rediscover. I have come to the realization that a lot of why I don't have joy is because of sin. That is the simplest explanation. It wasn't done on purpose. It just happened. I was not intentional or disciplined in making God a priority in my choices. I didn't maintain the relationship. All the wonderful ministry I do just doesn't build or strengthen a relationship with God. He doesn't want my emails, my flyers, my plans or my organization. He wants me and my heart. My desire to seek Him and follow hard after Him in obedience. So lost in the years of going it all on my own is the joy I have lost out of my heart.
I was challenged by an amazingly wise lady, Holley Gerth, to look for joy in the next 40 days. I have become more intentional and aware of the things that bring me joy. What I realize is that the joy I cherish and long for comes from the relationships with my family and with my Savior. When those relationships are neglected or considered to be secondary to my own agenda and to do lists, that is when the joy leaves my heart. There is nothing that squashes joy like sin. Sin and putting relationships second, third, fourth or sixteenth on the list are often synoymnous. So as I search for the joy each day, I focus more on maintaining relationships with the people I have been blessed with and with the Savior and Creator of my life. With this daily intentional search I know that the joy will be "down in my heart to stay!"

Waiting Some More

2009-09-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been filled with me doing a lot of thinking and searching. I will admit that I haven't searched hard enough or intentionally enough - Why? Because I am too preoccupied with committments I can't drop, kids, house, my own plans and fear. Fear that what I may discover will lead to some changes or hard decisions about a lot of stuff. I have read and studied about finding and following God's Will - His Lead in my life. I have sought counsel from some other women who found themselves in similiar places. I have discussed this with my wise and wonderful hubby. I have tried to go slower and be more intentional about my plans, choices, activities. But alas, I have still met frustration and feelings of failure and incompetancy head on each day.
Over and over this summer, I have read or heard about waiting on God. Be still, abide with Him, seek Him, wait on Him, wait, be still, seek, abide, wait.... So, I will tell you that when I read with Beth Moore the scripture basis for her simulcast, I caught my breath. (Yes, I did not read beforehand as the afore mentioned committments took priority). The scripture was from Psalm 37:1-9.
In these verses, David tells me to "trust", "dwell", "delight", "commit", "trust" again, "rest" , "wait patiently" and "wait" again.
The primary verse was verse 4 - This is where I was totally blown away- "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." This verse appeared in book by Lisa Whelchel for moms wanting to study the Bible more. I pick up this book about once a year and this past week, read this verse and spent some time thinking about it - word by word. It was a wonderful and peaceful, joy-giving time with one little verse out on my deck in the quiet and cool of a late August morning. Then a few days later, I am honored to sit and listen to a great speaker share her thoughts and study on that verse and how it all relates to the waiting, trusting, resting, abiding, being still and finding joy. For so long, I have desired joy in my life again. Why don't I have joy anymore? Holley Gerth from Dayspring is in the middle of a 40 day challenge to find joy each day. I have taken the challenge and look for the joy moments. So again when this was the scripture of the Friday night and Saturday morning sessions with Beth Moore, I was thrilled, amazed and scared because I know that God has something for me to know from this. But then the ride home, I continued reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, It just was released this week to stores. But it came in the mail right before we left. Anyway, I heart Lysa and her writing and read on the return trip about David waiting following being annointed by Samuel. Yes, waiting again. Lysa gave me further thought on this subject. Did I mention that one night last week before we left, I spent about an hour in the floor of Little Man's room, reading by the light of his night light about the Greek and Hebrew words for waiting.? Yes, I did! Spurred by the reading of someone else's comment somewhere in cyberspace about the meaning of the word. I just needed more information and to see it for myself. Wait - Wait - Wait- something most of us can't stand to do or to do for very long. Personally, I am curious about what I am waiting for and why- Does it have to do with my desires or the heart of my desires? There is more to be thought about and prayed about - ah, there may be my answer or the way to the answer.

Until then, I will DELIGHT MYSELF IN THE LORD

So this Tuesday, I am grateful for Waiting - for Beth Moore, Lisa Whelchel and Lysa TerKeurst and tons of other ladies leading me on this journey

Chill Out, Chick!

2009-08-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

This chick can be pretty intense. I am task oriented and very intense when when working on something. I always thought that the passion, dedication, hard work and pursuit of excellence was a strength. But now I am thinking that it might just be a weakness. For me, accomplishing tasks, seeing the product of my time and efforts, feeling like my work makes a difference to someone- I am contributing to the bigger picture is my identity- my self-worth.
I also just don't go half-way- Oh, no, I have to go all out! Then it has to be done just so, almost to perfection. I will spend hours preparing a flyer or writing a letter to someone- just fretting and fussing over the smallest of details. The end result after an extended amount of time in the activity usually leads to burnout.
Yes, the activities I get so wrapped up in are good, worthy activities- Ministries, even. Now how good of a thing can that be?! But ministries are way too often laden with people problems,too. Getting people to work, see things in the same way, work with the same intensity, be dependable, etc. is really hard and very, very draining. But hey, it is ministry, all for the Kingdom, right? It has to be worth it all.
But that leads me to the question I am struggling with now and have been for some time: At what cost am I doing ministry?
The cost is immeasurable for it involves the most important ministry I have been given, my family. God has blessed me with an amazing husband and two wonderful blessings that call me Mommy. I have been given these children to raise and nurture. For whatever reason,God has deemed me worthy to be their mommy. They need me to be intentional, attentive, enthusiastic, patient, loving, joyful, healthy (spiritually and physically) while parenting them. Instead they get distracted, frustrated, grumpy, grumpy, grumpy, impatient, absent physically and emotionally, tense and intense. They have paid a great price for my good deeds.
Hubby is patient most of the time and supportive most of the time. He, too, has paid for my intensity in ministry affairs. My home has paid a price as has my health and my spiritual well-being.
All of this affects the effectiveness of my ministries. So, what is a chick to do? I am not in a postion to just walk away - I do have some God-given talents and desires to work in these ministries. He has provided me with these opportunities and has blessed them. But it is my choice in how I will spend my time and how I will use my leadership to accomplish ministry. My choices in the past have been selfish and intense. Now my choices are to let go, delegate, and narrow the focus-simply to Chill Out!
By limiting the ministry part of my life, I pray that I can be the kind of mom, wife and Christian I need to be. It is too great of a cost, not to really be intense about my family and my spiritual well-being.
So this chick is thankful for the chance to just chill out with the kiddos!

Menu Planning Monday

2009-08-17T17:38:00.001-07:00

I have taken inventory of my freezer and have planned out the next four weeks just using my freezer! I know of some days that are going to be Daddy-less or that we have plans already made, so I have taken those days into account. I also know very well that there will be some days when I just feel lazy or have one of those headaches that puts me out of commission, so I have a few convenience foods always on hand. With the exception of some travel plans, we will not be eating out but enjoying some eating in - thanks to a well stocked freezer and some yummy recipes.

The other thing I determined I need to do again is make each day a themed day - Sunday is sandwich lunches and fish for dinner; Monday is crockpot meals; Tuesday is pasta; Wednesday is dinner at church or upside down dinner; Thursday is leftover buffet; Friday is pizza, calzone - something pepperoni; Saturday is grill out

This week will challenge my plans as DH has an elders' meeting Monday, Tuesday is DD's PTO meeting and Wednesday is the first night back to church activities.

Monday - Creamy Mustard Chicken - recipe from a freezer meal website
Tuesday- Leftovers due to PTO meeting- toss some buttered noodles in to round out the meal
Wednesday- Eat at church
Thursday- Sausage Potato Casserole
Friday- Pepperoni Lasagna Rollups
Saturday-Grill steaks from Angel Food - Make homemade steak fries
Sunday- Salmon and Cheese Grits

Lunches for my kindergartener will be peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and Nutella or peanut butter and marshmallow creme with vege and fruit on hand, cookies, juice- Luckily she loves fruit and veges and these three peanut butter combos are a huge variety for her!
Lunches for brother, mommy and daddy when he is home will be lunch meat or jelly sandwiches, fruit, yogurt and tea. Okay, ice cream, too, we are addicted to the stuff - just look at my hips.
Breakfasts include breakfast bars, granola bars, and bake oatmeal, coffee, juice, milk -
This is a good recipe to double or triple and then freeze for use when mornings are super hectic. This can be used for breakfast or with a side salad at lunch or as a dessert.
Baked Oatmeal
3 cups quick oatmeal
1/2 cup oil
2 eggs
3 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup applesauce
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup brown sugar
Mix all the ingredients together. Pour into a 13x9 dish prepared with Pam. Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes or until edges are slightly browned. Serve warm with sausage, applesauce, warm in a bowl with milk poured on top. Serve with salad on side or with ice cream.

{in}courage

2009-08-10T05:46:00.001-07:00

I have to admit that I am a bit addicted to blogs- not just any old blogs, but the blogs of some wonderful and inspiring- {in}couraging Christian women. I am so excited that my bloggy girlfriends are writing for a new site that just launched this weekend!!

So I was thinking about what or who {in}couraged me, I did think of a few things:
*my darling husband and his prayers and support
*holding hands with husband of 17 years
*the laughter of my children
*my children showing kindness, empathy for others, obedience
*completing a long awaited project
*looking at family photo scrapbooks
*working on said photo scrapbooks (AKA a long awaited project)
*baking and cooking yummy meals for my family
*reading a book on the beach or on a porch
*watching and listening to nature in my backyard with a pond- love the wood ducks!
*music by Kari Jobe, Gwen Smith, Amy Grant, Point of Grace, Chris Tomlin to name just a few
*worshipping with the preschoolers and witnessing their hearts in worship- that is so incredibly {in}couraging!!
*finding a few moments and actually sitting a listening for God to speak to my heart and calm it down
* reading the inspirational, challenging and the often crazy adventures of ladies such as Lysa TerKeurst, Trish Berg,and Holley from Dayspring
Each of these wonderful girlfriends remind me that my life with all the fears, insecurities, trials, triumphs,and sins are not out of the norm. That by the Grace of God there is hope in this life and there is a promise of an amazing life to come-

That is {in}couraging!!

So what {in}courages you? Give thanks for those things and people - It is by the Grace and Goodness of God that we can celebrate these blessings in life!
www.incourage.me

Going Alone

2009-08-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

This week has been a little hard for me. One I sent my oldest to big school as a kindergartener. Now this child was born for school and is so smart (not that I am bias or anything). I know she is ready and needs to go but still seeing her little girl self walk into that big ole building with the other BIG kids was a little scary for me. (We won't even think about when she goes to college- sobs!) Despite how frustrating her endless questions, torments of little brother and general little girl silliness are, I miss my baby girl! There I have said it- so with tears in my eyes, I will so admit I am sad about sending her to kindergarten.
The other thing that has been hard is realizing that this week 14 years ago on August 4 was the day my Daddy died unexpectedly in Canada of a heart attack. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago! I am a Daddy's Girl and I adore my Daddy. It is very difficult and painful not to have him here with us now. I just miss him so much!
Despite all the changes life gives me and I know more are to come, I am confident that God wil give me the strength to get through it and settle into it all. But here is the problem, I am notorious for going it alone. Knowing that God is there and will see me through it but then actually relying entirely on Him and not solelyon myself are two separate things. I think of my sweet little girl this week when she insisted on walking into school alone for the first time. "No, Mommy, I want to walk in like a big kid." She was full of confidence that she could do it, but as the Mommy, I wasn't ready to let go of her hand. God is always there ready to grip my hand or even pick me up and carry me, but I am the little girl always saying, "No, I have to figure this out myself and get myself through this." Do I always have to be the big girl? Why do I let go of God's hand and go off on my own? Unlike my kindergartener, I don't often get to the destination safely. Lots of frustrations, failures, or more problems are a result of my going it alone. Simply, I get myself into more trouble.
So with this week and all of the reminders that life is moving on with new beginnings and bittersweet reminders that life changes in ways we don't always like or want, I know that God will hold my hand all the way through this life. It is also very comforting to know that He has my baby in His hands as well. So as a mommy I need to let go and let Him be her Daddy, too.

Menu Planning Monday

2009-07-11T18:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so things are "slowing down" and I have great plans to follow a menu and get some great meals on the table for my sweet family.

Saturday- Buffalo Chicken Wraps
Sunday- lunch at church (Discover Northridge)
dinner- Spinach and Broccoli Enchiladas
Monday- Sausage and Potato Supper
Tuesday- Southwest Pasta
Wednesday- Make baked beans for cookout for family swim night at church
Thursday- Salmon and Tomato Grits
Friday- Homemade Pizza
Saturday- Leftover Buffet

It is not like I don't have a ton of cookbooks and cooking magazines (I heart Paula Deena and Sandra Lee), including a cookbook I helped compiled and one compiled on the computer. But this week I am trying some recipes from www.tasteofhome.com. I get these delivered to my Inbox each week and every once in a while some come up that sound too yummy and easy to pass up.
This week there were several, starting with the Buffalo Chicken Wraps. Here is a little known fact: This chick loves some buffalo wings. So guess what?! I made this little wrap recipe - very easy and yes, the bacon is a must. Another thing my sweet sister says, "Everything is better with bacon." Very yummy - no, the kids ate the cold "quesadillas" with cheese and veges and were quite happy with their own creations.
I also discovered two new blogs and I am trying some of the recipes there.- Let's just say freezer meals are possibly my new best kitchen secret. I will post more about this find as I try some of the 3 meals I put in the freezer today. Ohhh..... so excited about

Mommy Moment Musings

2009-07-11T18:13:00.000-07:00
We have traveled safely to and from Tennessee and VBS is finally done and cleaned up, one week of swim classes behind us and one to go and now in full swing to get ready for changes in worship services and in Kidsville....SIGH!!!!.... I long for a few months where I can just be quiet at home being mommy and homemaker, wife and scrapbooker. So many recipes, so many photos, so many things to play and teach yet so little left of me to give to the most important part of my life and the most important ministry I am called to do.
I have realized that although I love children's ministry, I don't love the fact that I spend a significant part of my week, dealing with finding more people to minister to the kids. I don't have time or energy left to shepherd kids or volunteers. I am now a mere sheep herder. Rounding up volunteers to take care of the little lambs for a given hour. Sheep herding takes away my time to shepherd and enjoy my kids- leaving me grumpy, hurried, scattered-brained (don't ask about the ice cream supper invite- case in point.) As my sweet sister says, I "drop my basket" a lot. No one, especially my sweet babies, should witness mommy dropping her basket. Now I am realizing the truth that I am overcommitted to and now have to devise a way to not only survive but also thrive with my responsibiblities in ALL of my ministries.
I thought I had sought God's Will for what I should be doing this year with my time, but I don't believe I did in earnest- I just gave it lip service, not any heart service. Because of my stubborn and prideful self, I am going to continue by stretched very thin unless I can delegate and empower others to step up. I need to continue praying about all of these things. I do take comfort in knowing that God's grace is enough for me, that He has the power to fill in the gaps of my weaknesses.
(1 Corinthians 12:9)

Menu Planning Monday

2009-05-24T20:05:00.000-07:00
This is quick as we are in SC for the weekend and DH has finally come upstairs for bed. In an effort to be intentional, I am limiting computer time when the family is not occupied with sleep or other interests such as a he-man movie.
So very quickly and a bit sketchy details,the menu plan for this week:
Monday - In SC
Tuesday- Crockpot chicken
Wednesday- pasta
Thursday- Fish
Friday- Calzones
Breakfasts will be cinnamon toasts (kids love it) and cereal bars
Lunches will be sandwiches (PBJ, egg salad and deli meats)

Good Intentions

2009-05-24T19:46:00.000-07:00
I have spent a lot of time lately composing posts in my head. Why is it that I get inspired when I am not near a computer or have the opportunity to sit down and type for a few minutes?

My favorite word is "intentional". I just love that word! Intentional means with a focused purpose. I have advocated being intentional about everything; marriage, parenting, spending time with God, fianances, time for myself, ministry. I have spent a lot of time in self-evaluation lately. Hence, those wonderful posts that will never see a computer screen. As a result of the evaluations to date, I discovered this horrible truth. Despite how much I want to be intentional, I have never been intentional at all! Now I could beat myself up and I have done quite a bit of that lately. But I have decided to make some changes in my life to become more intentional in living.
What I also discovered that I can not do this alone. That has been my problem all along. My "Miss I Can Do It Myself- I Can Figure This Out" self has failed miserably in all aspects of going it alone. I can not make a schedule and keep it without some guidance and discernment provided to me by God. He alone knows my every weakness and He alone can make me strong where I am weak.
I am thankful for a God who can forgive me for my sinful, selfish, pride-filled life. I am thankful that despite my failure to be intentional and do all things in life with a focused purpose that I do not have to give up. I can start again and this time intentionally seeking God's direction in all things. He alone will supply me with all I need to be the kind of wife, mommy, ministry leader, Christian I need to be.

Tired and Failing Mommy Basking in Grace

2009-05-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

I struggle so much with knowing if I am following God's Will for my life and for my family right now. I am heavily involved in some great and important ministries such as children's ministry and MOPS. However, there is no greater ministry than the one of being mommy. With the weekly demands of children's ministry and the demands bi-weekly of MOPS, I am often not a happy mommy. I feel terrible and that I am a failure as a mom. My children deserve a mommy that is happy to be with them and is engaged in their play and activities. But instead, I am grumpy and impatient with their preschool antics. I want to intentionally parent my children. I want to intentionally discipline, teach and love them. How can I do that when I am thinking about the phone calls I need to make,the endless to-do lists just to make sure Sunday is good to go for all of the little ones? What am I suppose to be doing? This would be easy if I knew that these areas were not my gifts. I also think that my kids should understand that God expects us to serve others.But how do I find the balance? I feel so tired and so burdened with the responsibilities of mothering, leading two ministries, being a wife and a Christian. (It doesn't help that I serve the entire morning at church so I am never free to go to worship- I long, hunger for worship.) I also feel like a failure in so many other areas of life- finances, wife, maintaining a personal relationship with God.There are so many decisions I make that endanger or hurt my family. Many of my decisions also hurt my spiritual health as well. Despite how many times I try to start over and improve, I fail. I know I can't do this alone, however, I end up going my own way before too long.
This is not meant to be a pity party or beat myself up session, but simply an acknowledgement that I am a person who struggles daily- even minute by minute- to walk according to God's Will. I am very weak and without my Savior, I would be hopeless. I am so thankful that I bask in God's Grace. It is not because I am married to a wonderful, Godly man nor that I am ministry leader for two ministries or have college degrees or anything else I have done in my life. It is simply because God loves me. Loves me enough to sacrifice His Son for my sins and shortcomings. I am thankful that God's grace is more than enough for me, the sinner and screw-up. I am thankful that God's power can be made perfect as He helps me in all of my many weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Menu Planning Monday

2009-05-11T18:39:00.000-07:00

This week is a little less hectic than last week. Thank goodness! So I am back with a menu this week.
All of the breakfasts will be cereal bars or frozen tea biscuits.
All of the lunches will be sandwiches- turkey or PBandJs.
Dinners:
Monday- Chicken Stir-fry and pineapple slices.
Tuesday- Pork Tenderloin (cooked and frozen earlier)
Wednesday- Eat at church
Thursday- leftovers
Friday- Grill hamburgers, potato salad, chips and make your own ice cream sundaes
(Get together with other elders and their families planned- If Dana is still sick, we will do a frozen pizza and popcorn with just family.)
Saturday- Chicken Nuggets and tater tots and vegetables
Sunday- Pizza at church or sandwiches at home.

I am very pleased with the One Trip to the Store-Cook for a Year cookbook. I am looking into freezer meals via www.frugalmom.net
I really liked being able to pull out a meal from the freezer after babies' births. I hope that I can organize myself enough to cook ahead and freeze meals.
There are more meals for the week at www.organizedjunkie.com

Menu Planning Monday

2009-04-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

This week's menu includes cereal bars and fruit salad (mangos, pineapple, grapefruit, kiwi) for breakfast. Lunch will be sandwiches and fruit salad.
This week is unusually very busy in the evening. So I have several convenient foods planned.

Monday- Beef Fajitas (Sam's find- very yummy- just adding green peppers and onions)
Tuesday- Pizza (frozen)
Wednesday- Eat at Preschool End of Year program
Thursday- The one night home!! Parmesan Crusted Fish Fillets
Vege, Rice
Friday- Corndogs and tater tots and raw veggies
Saturday- Beef Stroganoff
Sunday- Eat at church for lunch
Creamy Crock-Pot chicken for dinner

Gratituesday

2009-04-22T18:48:00.001-07:00

I seem to always be a day behind in my postings. This week we have taken some time to enjoy some sunshine and the warmer weather. The freedom of being outside and not in pounds of layers is a welcome and refreshing part of the season. The kids are having fun in their imaginative play. They are, for the most part, enjoying one another. I am forever grateful for two kids that are healthy and physically and mentally able to play together.
This past week brought a reminder to darling husband and I that the little lives we have been entrusted with here, ultimately belong to God. A local family's three year old drowned in a pond as he was riding his bike. With a pond in our backyard and a three year old of our own, that situation became very real for us. As much as we love our kids, God loves them far greater! It is difficult to fathom that kind of love. I am thankful that God does love my two sweet blessings that much and loves me that much as well. I celebrate my kids and their joy in the spring's wonderful weather.

Menu Planning Monday

2009-04-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I create menus but don't strictly adhere to them. Life happens and on to the next week-

This week breakfasts and lunches are pretty standard stuff- frozen waffles, sandwiches and chips - nothing really new there.

Monday- Dana is gone to an Elders' meeting -
Spinach Enchiladas
Cheese Quesadillas

Tuesday- Ham and Potato Casserole

Wednesday- Dinner at church

Thursday- Chicken Fajitas

Friday- Shrimp and Grits

Saturday- Homemade Pizza

Sunday- In LaGrange

Spinach and Cheese Enchiladas
(I will halve this recipe using the leftover spinach from another weekend meal)
8 tortillas
1 pkg frozen spinach, thawed and drained
1Tbls diced garlic (I use minced garlic from a jar)
2 Tbls butter
1/2 onion
1 tomato, diced
2 cups shredded cheddar/jack cheese
3 Tbls vege oil
2 tsp taco seasoning
1 tsp Hot sauce
2 tsp flour
1 cup water
1 tsp garlic salt

For sauce, combine oil, taco seasoning, hot sauce, flour, water, and garlic salt in pan on stove. Bring to boil and simmer 5 minutes.
Heat oven to 425 degrees. In small pan on stove, warm butter over medium heat. Add spinach, garlic, and onions. Stir until warmed through. Remove from heat and add tomatoes. Gently warm tortillas. Using 1 cup cheese, and all spinach mixture, place small handfuls of each in cener of each tortilla, roll up and place in pan , seam side down. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Ladle on enough sauce to cover, then add remaining 1/4 cup cheese. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve with remaining sauce on side.

Menu Planning Monday

2009-04-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, today is Tuesday but with the crazy weekend and MOPS this week, I am running a bit behind. But I must say this week is going to be pretty easy.

DH is not home two nights this week for dinner and not home for at least two lunches. Wednesday night normally has us at church for dinner, but this week, preschool is having a BBQ fundraiser Wednesday so I am picking up the plates earlier in the afternoon and the kids and I will eat before heading to church for the activities. Friday night is Mommies' Nite Out with MOPS so the family will eat leftovers and I will take a dish for that. What with all the food from the weekend, most of the meals are already made- just a reheat and add a fresh vege. So here is this week's crazy (luckily not often) menu:

Breakfasts- cereal, frozen waffles and fruit
Lunches- sandwiches and crackers, fruit
Monday- leftover potpie and ham, twice baked potatoes, and veges
Tuesday- Upside down dinner (waffles - probably frozen)
Wednesdsy- BBQ from preschool
Thursday- fish sticks and popcorn shrimp
Friday- leftovers
Saturday- pizza
Sunday- Crockpot chicken

I won a neat little book from 24/7Moms.com. It is 70 Meals and 1 Trip to the Store.
I am going to try to use some of those recipes in the coming weeks.

Gratituesday

2009-04-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the end of the day results in this Mommy feeling very frustrated and so tired as I listen to two preschoolers argue over who has the blue crayon or who wrote on someone's masterpiece. I wonder what am I doing wrong? What do I need to do to have a peaceful and enjoyable afternoon with two loving and compassionate children? Then there are those few days where I listen to them playing together in some imaginary and creative play, giggling and just being sweet. When I stop and be still and really think things through I realize that I do have two sweet, loving and compassionate kids! But they are learning how to get along with others who have different ideas or ways of doing things. With one being boy and the other girl they do think about things differently. They are also a lot like me. When I am tired from the day's activities, I get impatient and simply grumpy. But I am older and have learned some self-control over those emotions. They are simply little people trying to figure all of that out. They are also like me in that often my way seems to be the best and the only way and become very irritated when others don't see things my way. In short, we are all not perfect- selfishness, pride, lack of self-control often shove out the gentleness, patience, joy, contentment, and love we really want for ourselves and for ourselves. So today, I am thankful for two children who are truly gifts from God. And even with their grumpiness and fussiness, they are mine to guide and help prepare for this imperfect life and the perfect life with God.

Menu Planning Monday

2009-04-06T04:42:00.000-07:00
I like the idea of being organized. With 2 preschoolers, a busy husband and my own busy to do lists, organization is far from the word to describe my household or my life. However, when it comes to meals, organization is crucial to making it through a difficult time of the day. It also helps save a little money. If dinner is planned, then fastfood is not going to be an option.
I have planned menus for many years, but in my first personal blog I will share my menu for this week. I do grant myself a little grace in allowing menus to be substituted or rearranged a bit. With erratic work schedules, a erratic moods, behaviors and needs of the two kids and my own unforeseen issues to deal with, I need all the grace I can get. So I try to keep some fast emergency meal ideas with ingredients on hand.
If you are stopping in for a peek at my menu, please know that my choices are mommy and kid friendly. Ease and yumminess for all is my motto. There are a ton of other links at orgjunkie.com for more menus plans. Take a peek there,too.Enjoy!!

All breakfasts consist of cereal bars, cereal, grapefruit or apples,frozen waffles or toast sticks. Juice, chocolate milk, coffee.
All lunches consist of deli meat sandwiches (may use sandwich maker to make it hot, pretzels or chips, fruit and cookie and tea or water.

Monday:
Cheesy Chicken Pot Pie
Salad
Easter Egg Cupcakes (made from cake mix and put in Easter Egg mini cake pan- kids decorate with sprinkles after frosted)

Tuesday: Smoked Sausage Bake
Vege
Cornbread

Wednesday:
Eat at Church building

Thursday: Monterey Chicken
Mashed Potatoes
Vege

Friday:
Leftovers
Resurrection Buns

Saturday:
Leftovers
Resurrection Cookies

Sunday:
Lunch:
Ham,
Twice Baked Potatoes
Deviled Eggs
Veges
Mayonaise Rolls
Carrot Cake

Recipes:
Cheesy Chicken Pot Pie

Ingredients:

2 deep dish pie crust form the freezer section
1 package (4 breasts) boneless, skinless chicken, cooked and cubed
1 can cream of chicken soup
8 ounces sour cream
1 cup milk
1 bag frozen mixed veggies
2-3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Place cubed, cooked chicken in pot pie crusts
pour veggies over chicken, 1/2 bag in each crust
In separate bowl, mix soup, sour cream and milk. Pour over meat and veggies
Sprinkle cheese on top.
Bake at 375 for one hour, or until cheese forms top crust and is melted and slightly golden.

Smoked Sausage Bake
smoked sausage, cook up
quartered potatoes
chopped onion
red, yellow, green peppers, sliced
parsley and olive oil

Combine all in a dish. Cover and bake at 400 until potatoes are tender.

Monterey Chicken
4-6 chicken breasts
4-6 T BBQ Sauce
4-6 slices bacon
grated cheddar and Monterey Jack cheeses

Preheat oven to 350. Place chicken in glass dish. Top each with 1 T BBQ sauce and 1 slice baon. Bake for 30-35 minutes. Top with cheeses and bake additional 10 minutes.

Resurrection Buns

Resurrection Cookies

Mayonaise Rolls

1 c self-rising flour
2 T sugar
Mix
1 cup milk
2 T mayo
Add to dry ingredients and mix.
Fill muffin tins 2/3 full and bake at 450 for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown on top.